Tree giraffes, Lady Gaga, Charlie Barkin and Santa, and My Little Pony

I swear, every time I go to sleep, I have a strange dream. Even if I don't remember them, I have a strange dream. There's absolutely nothing that I can think of that would have any effect on me, there's just...nothing I can think of that I've been doing, that I've eaten or drank, and since I don't do drugs or drink or smoke or anything like that, then that rules out just about everything. Plus I eat and drink different things and hardly ever right before I fall asleep so it just makes no sense.

Examples of said dreams:

Tree Giraffes

I've had a recurring dream ever since I was probably around 5-ish that makes me go wat. This dream consists of me being in my grandparents' kitchen at their old house in the middle of the woods, with my grandmother, making turkey and mashed potatoes. However, my brother was yelling for me so I was being a responsible bigger sister and ran out onto the carport, into part of the driveway, and to the left. Towards three trees kinda on the other side of the driveway area.

Shown: shitty art depicting my travels towards the tree of giraffe

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I then just kinda moseyed on over to that blue-circled tree on the left, and heard singing, so I stopped. Now, I'm pretty sure that most people who would be walking by a tree and heard singing would, well, get the fuck away from it if they were normal people, or weren't curious 5-year-olds. Anyway, I stopped, looked over, bent the branches back a little bit, and saw an entire goddamned rainforest inside of that tree, complete with waterfalls. And then three giraffes stuck their heads out from around those branches on the inside and started singing.

 

And of course five year old me acts like this is completely normal and keeps walking, around those trees because I hear noises. So I...keep walking, and soon see my brother and grandfather throwing rocks at a little hill/embankment thing near the shed.

I really didn't know what the bloody fuck they were doing so I just kinda stood there, and then that dragon magician lady from Sleeping Beauty (Disney version) and she flew up into the sky, as a dragon thing, but not really into the sky just...she was still kinda in the ground I KNOW IT MAKES NO SENSE, SHUT UP but then she damned us all to hell or something then I ate mashed potatoes and then woke up. What.
Charlie Barkin and Santa

 

Also had a dream that had me at a beachhouse for my friend's birthday party, I went to use the bathroom and was washing my hands when the smaller wall to the left of me with the window just...dropped, and Charlie Barkin was driving Santa's sleigh and was like LOL LET'S GO and I was just all LOL, OK and I didn't question anything. But we flew through the clouds back to wherever the hell is it Charlie goes and it was pretty awesome. Itchy was there too.

Lady Gaga

 

And while I'm typing all of these dreams up, I can't possibly leave out the one that involved Lady Gaga. No, of course not, because that would be ridiculous. Anyway. I was working putting on masks on these headthings that were in drawers - keep in mind, I was outside, and it kinda felt like that cemetery in Left 4 Dead 2, but the drawers were all in rows and shit and I was between a forest and a highway - whenever I was thinking shit, shit I NEED to get this done before something BAD happens and I had no idea what that 'bad' thing was, but then something exploded and I was just like fuck.

So I'm standing there looking around and Lady Gaga drives up in this...van/truck thing and is like GET IN and I'm just all UH, OKAY so I get in and she's telling me all about what's happening and I'm not paying attention because I'm holding a guitar and I had no idea how it got there. So a Jamaican man suddenly pops up behind us in the truck (kinda like a prison truck thing, or an ambulance) and he just says GIMME 'THA GEETAH, MAHN and I'm just staring at him so Lady Gaga looks over to me while we're driving down this highway and is like GIVE THE MAN THE GUITAR so I did and he starts playing heavy metal rock and then reggae music on an acoustic guitar how does that work? I don't know

Anyway the man is playing reggae, Gaga is driving and I'm sitting in the passenger's seat just trying to figure out exactly what the flying fuck is going on. However, we're driving down this highway (which is surrounded by trees for some reason) and there's like...other highways on bridges crisscrossing above us with giant dogs like those regular-sized ones from Silent Hill were jumping off of them onto OUR road trying to get us. And there were soldiers running out of the forest shooting guns and then getting mauled and killed by these dogs.

Lady Gaga is wearing her headpiece from Telephone's sandwich making scene and she's ripping off chunks of it and throwing them and they're grenades. Oh, and it regenerates the pieces she ripped off. So I was just all wat. 

Anyway she decides to stop at this one place in the woods (somehow we went from driving on a highway to driving offroad through a clearing in the woods) and well, we stop and all that and we have to choose Pokémon. I had a Mightyena and Luxray, Gaga had a Jynx and Milotic, and Jamaican guy had a Charmeleon, and his guitar.

So then we fought our way up the top of Mercy Hospital from Left 4 Dead with our Pokemon, and then I woke up. That dream was wonderful.

My Little Pony

Last night, I had a dream that I worked in a bakery and was making cakes; however, everyone believed that 'simple cakes that are only one color and flavor' like 'vanilla with white frosting' or 'chocolate with chocolate frosting' or 'lemon with lemon frosting' are the only acceptable ways to make a cake. 

However, I was a rebel and made a My Little Pony cake, complete with a blueish main color, cloudy things around the edges, a standing Twilight Sparkle and hovering Rainbow Dash, and a rainbow that actually shone. Keep in mind, those things were all STANDING on the cake; but they were made out of cake and nothing else. They were just...what.

Anyway.


I have weird dreams.

so ur chillin in bed

searchin n explorin teh internet n u heer a cat mewo so u think 'fkin cat', and no want let cat in bedrorm, cursin n swerin @ yor cat b/cus he is anoying n shit n ur just lke 'stupid cat, y u not quiet'

n e way u get up to let n cat

but u opne teh door, n no cat is ther, n ur akshul cat is chilin on ur foot of the bed


then who was cat???

April Fool's

Okay so in the morning I walk into school. Obviously. And I go to my locker. Again, obviously. And Best Friend is always there, yet again, obviously unless she happens to not be there which isn't very often but whatever. And given that today is April Fool's Day - possibly a day I find more obnoxious than any other simply because people are shit at practical jokes - Best Friend tried to get me.

Horribly.

Best Friend: I have AIDS.

*pause*

Me: I believe it.

Then Best Friend told me she hated me, called me a dick and then we went and talked about how shitty today is because yesterday felt like Friday so today is just blargh and we don't want to do anything.

Also I'm currently at lunch. Maybe I'll sign into Skype, I don't know. Maybe I'll get around to it.

Anyway.

Another day halfway over, about.

Awesome.

Snow

Here's when it was snowing at my house around 5PMEST today:

Here it is around 5:10:

5:25-5:30ish:

And here it is an hour or so ago:

My flowers are going to die. Wunderbar. Some of them died a little while ago because Mother Nature decided to throw some frost at us for a big 'fuck you'. So...they died. Sad day. :C

Anyway

what the fuck, mother nature

what the fuck

I hope you all enjoyed my rendition of 'What the Fuck, Mother Nature - Sincerely, a Confused Student' but you've probably had enough of seeing one small shot of a fence and part of my yard and back porch so

here

have a cat on a blanket:

His name is Sam and he likes to eat rotisserie chicken. I don't blame him because that shit is fucking delicious but he steals from me. But it's okay. Because he's adorable. Only my cats and Boyfriend can take food from me...

pictured: retarded, derpy Sugarfaec attempting to steal my bed from me while I am in it

...because they're adorable

And you've all lost the game.

the end

It's snowing

why

I mean, this has happened before, on July 4th even, but

That was years ago


why is this happening

and don't go all weather-smart-bullshit on me

THIS JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IT WAS LIKE 65-70 YESTERDAY

so today some kid pulled out a cigarette

...in the middle of English class. And smoked it. Granted it was one of those fancy-dangled 'fake' ones that somehow still taste/feel the same but seriously? Why would you do that. why

I get that you may have an addiction, but...in class? Kid this isn't college. This is high school. And even though we're in a smallpunk town in the middle of nofuck nowhere but for some reason everyone fucking knows who we are doesn't mean that you can try and pull that shit. We may live in a small-town ghetto, but we're not in Pittsburgh. We're not in the ghetto. We're not the Pitts.

Just because we live in a world-popular town doesn't mean you can get away with smoking that shit in school. Living here does not make you 'awesome'. It means you're alive so stop it

 So every now and then the kid would whip around to the left, hunch over, and I'd hear a HFFFFFFFNNNNNNNFFFFFFGGG sound that could effectively be compared to an asthmatic seal with its head stuck in a 3/4 full oil bin slowly suffocating to death. Which, you know, most smokers sound like anyways, but this kid is only 17. At the most. And you really shouldn't be addicted to that shit at SEVENTEEN but then again I'm an anti-social freak so what do I know

ANYWAY I don't know what surprised me more; the fact that he did this in the middle of class, or the fact that he hadn't been caught all day, especially by the teacher of the class we were in. He was making sounds so loud it sounded like an air conditioner fucked a seizure-prone vacuum, had a baby, and the baby had a child with a shihtzu pug mix and their baby suffered from epilepsy from the goddamned sun and went into fits whenever the air pressure changed or wind shifted.

that's what he sounded like

Just imagine it.

imagine

Anyway this happened multiple times throughout the period. Not just two or three times, but I'm pretty sure I counted to at least ten. Hell, I can't tell anymore. I just know that the girl in front of him would start laughing her ass off each and every time that he did it and break the cold silence. Every single time.

And you know, whenever someone's doing something 'bad' in school I just sit there really, really awkwardly because you know, I'm the 'good' kid or something in school and...I never do anything. I just exist, breathe, and do my work. Sometimes talk. But mostly sit and work and breathe.

I've gotten really good at sitting and breathing. I can even do it without thinking, bitches.

Goddammit I keep getting off-track (here comes the train careening off of the cliff full of screaming koalas!) so, uh. I didn't turn him in. I wanted to, but then I'd feel weird. Turning in a Kid Cudi fan? Hell, no. I can't possibly make that poor child's life any worse. So I let him go. I just...

I didn't have the evil in me

plus, it smelled vaguely of cinnamon

I like cinnamon smells.

you know what

why are you guys even following me


I never do or say anything interesting


really


actually I'm kidding so tell your friends about me and be sure to tell them I'm fuckin' hilarious or some shit like that

I don't know just advertise me


/publicity stunt