This'll be several 'posts' long since I've been filling this thing out during studyhalls since I never ever ever get work in classes anymore because we have 16.5 days left and my teachers are already going "Fuck this shit" so yeah. Anyway.
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite websites.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
Okay, so, Day 1 - Talk about my current relationship.
I'm currently in a relationship with the most amazing, sweet, caring, loving guy in the world. We've been together for a good while now. I've known him since December 2009 and we've been together since June 22, 2010. So, almost 11 months. I know that's not that long, and it doesn't feel like it. However, it also feels...like it's been forever. It just feels right. I don't know how to explain it, it's just that even though we may have bickering over stupid stuff that's not really 'bickering' even though it kinda is, we never fight. We've never fought. People may say that every couple fights, but that's not true. They may disagree, but...yeah. I can honestly say Mike and I are more couple than 95% of them out there, and we've never fought. At least not seriously or over anything 'big', I guess.
I guess I'll get into our background and everything, at least how I felt when I met him. I met him while I was "with" another guy, but I was attracted to him. I hadn't seen him yet [yes, our relationship started online], but I loved his personality and the way he talked and all of that. Without any harm meant towards my ex, I can honestly say I've always liked Mike's personality more. To me, something just clicked. But yeah, soon ex and I broke up, it hurt a little, but I had been preparing myself for the event for quite awhile, since I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. So, I guess you could say I wasn't hurt so badly.
Anyways, I had always loved Mike's personality, and at one point I was sent a picture of him [by him] and, as cheesy as it may sound, I felt immediately attracted towards him. More so than I had ever been attracted to anyone, even my past boyfriends, which may or may not be insulting to them and if it is that's just how it is. I dealt with your guys' shit for the longest time.
Speaking of which, I've never had to 'put up' with anything Mike does. Sure, there have been times where he'd have to go somewhere and I'd be sad because I wouldn't be able to go with him or talk to him or something, but that's pretty normal for me since I'm a clingy person. However, he has never done anything that has pissed me off. Maybe one or two things that annoyed me, but nothing severe enough for me to say anything, because I can shrug it off a lot of the time.
Back to what I was saying, though; I felt attracted towards him since the very beginning, and I was debating on just telling him. I was absolutely sure he didn't feel the same, and it hurt. At the same time though, I was sure he hated me because of the person that I was "friends" with who introduced me to him. However, I soon learned that wasn't true.
He talked to me every day since the day he met me, and...pretty soon, he found he was attracted to me, I suppose.
There was a point where we decided to meet up at Hershey Park in August of last year; around this time last year that we had been talking of it. On June 21, though, he said to me; "Do you think our parents would let us see eachother sooner if we pretended to like one another? <xD" and when I replied [rather kinda scared] "I'm not sure <XD" we soon kept talking about liking one another and everything and then went to bed.
I woke up the next morning, and logged on Skype; it was somewhere between 10 and 2-ish [can't quite remember] and he was online, too. He said something along the lines of 'so, I was laying in bed thinking last night, and it kinda dawned on me that I'm falling in love with you'. He then asked that, if all things went well whenever we met up with eachother in August, if he could be my boyfriend. I can honestly say that I stopped responding and just kinda...sat there for a couple of minutes. My mind was screaming at me to do something, but...yeah. I finally said yes, and later on, he asked me if we could make it official since he didn't think he could wait - that he didn't want to wait. So...yeah.
I can honestly say I am in love with this man, because he's so much of everything I want, need, and everything that's good. He actually loves me and that's something I'm not used to.
I still think of him telling me sometimes and it just melts my heart.
Day 2 - Where I'd like to be in 10 years
Well, in 10 years I'll be 27/28, and I'm hoping that, by then, Mike and I have gotten our own place, have steady jobs, and have a child. Maybe children [yes I am a teenager who wants kids, fuck you, he wants them too]. Oh, and we've decided we want a tortoiseshell cat and a corgi. He's not going to agree to this I bet [he'll just look at me funny] but I want to name the cat Bumblebee if it's female (Mercutio, if male) and the corgi Benvolio. Fuck the gender, I just want a cute little corgi named Benvolio.
Anyway, in a more serious reply, yeah. We'll have our own place, be married, and have a kid or two, and pets. I'll hopefully be working in art and as a teacher. I want to get out of the little hicktown I'm in [I abhor this place with a passion and if you lived here, you would understand why. If you have ever heard the name, seen the place, or heard of the place or some shit and chances you have, you would understand why]. However, I'll follow Mike wherever he wants to go. I want to live kinda far out, but also close enough to where we could easily drive to the city to do some shopping, and for stuff like hospitals and all, just in case.
Day 3 - My views on drugs and alcohol
Uh, well, let me just start off by saying I don't support the usage of either, but again, I couldn't care less about what other people do with their lives, as long as it's not someone I know, or if it's not hurting someone else in the process.
I don't mind people drinking on occasion; there's nothing wrong with drinking every now and then, say, if you were going out with friends or if you're on a date or something, as long as you don't go overboard. I don't see why people want to go out and get smashed or wasted; what's fun about forgetting the night, and having a hangover? Do...do they like feeling bad? Hell, I don't know. I just know alcohol smells absolutely disgusting and I have no interest in it what so ever, so I'll never drink it. The smell alone makes me ill; I don't know how I'd fare if I drank it. Don't want to find out.
And...drugs. I'm against drugs. Not because I don't want people to feel good, but there are certainly many, many other, less expensive ways of getting that 'rush'. People who do drugs get addicted, and it's a hard addiction to break. I don't like seeing people suffer, either, so...that may be a part of it, as well. Not to mention I've seen many, many people in my family torn apart, go to jail, etc. over drugs and alcohol and it's just not a fun experience from what I've heard.
Day 4 - My views on religion
I'm not a religious person at all. I'm spiritual, a bit. Mostly because I've had weird things happen that I can't explain. Things I won't get into here because I just got out of the loony bin and therapy and don't want to go back anytime soon.
Day 5 - A time I thought about ending my own life
Well...I guess I should start off by saying, I used to self harm. No one ever knew about it. I never told anyone; and because I hid them so well and they weren't in the usual places, no one ever so much as really questioned me or assumed or anything like that. Disclaimer: I didn't do it every day. Maybe a few times a week, but I never made myself bleed so much that it would show through clothes, or on clothes. I did it in the shower, usually, since it'd wash away. I'm not going to go about how I did it, but it wasn't cutting.
Day 6 - 30 interesting facts about myself
There's not much 'interesting' about me, but here goes.
1. I do parkour.
2. I'll listen to almost any music genre
3. I love 'Cut Copy' and 'Plus 44'
4. I have two cats, I bet you didn't know that
5. One of them is retarded/simplecat
6. I have Synesthesia
7. I have sectoral heterochromia in both of my eyes. My left eye is green and a sharp silver, while my right is green and light brown/hazel.
8. I had eye surgery at a young age
9. I've suffered through mild schizophrenia, have been declared 'insane' by a few therapists, and have suffered through depression and it pisses me the fuck off whenever someone acts like they have one of those things just so they can get away with being weird, cruel, "cool" or get away with being a retarded teenager.
10. I want kids one day
11. My conversations with people usually go in very odd directions
12. I swear a lot, not remotely interesting
13. lol, ghosts
14. I'm directly related to King Henry VIII
15. I've got German in me
16. Also Russian
17. And Polish
18. Swedish
19. Tiny speck of Native American
20. I have a very dramatic widow's peak
21. My canines are too big. It's gotten to the point where I have to make sure they don't stick out of my mouth when I close my mouth. I may be a vampire.
22. I'm engaged. We don't have rings, but we're engaged.
23. I don't want a big fancy wedding whenever Boyfriend and I are to be married, but I do want a bit of a ceremony
24. I hate dresses.
25. I have a weird obsession with Mike's facial hair, and hair in general. It's just soft and that's really weird and I'm so messed up shut up, butthug
26. I
27. have
28. nothing
29. else to say
30. I'm not even remotely interesting
Day 7 - My zodiac sign
My Chinese zodiac is the dog, so I guess that fits, in a sense. The personality thing kinda matches up pretty well. My other 'sign' is Capricorn and that kinda fits, too.
That's all.
I'm so interesting
Day 8 - A moment I felt most satisfied with my life
Uhm this is actually a really, really hard thing to think of. There's so many things that just go wrong but at the same time they don't really matter in the long run. I have amazing friends, an amazing boyfriend, and my family is alright sometimes too. I also have an education and am sending in many applications to get a job, so. Maybe that'll happen. I kinda need it. I guess I'm satisfied, but I'd be more satisfied if Mike and I lived on our own. Won't happen for another couple of years, but still.
Day 9 - My future
Well, my future is going to be full of Mike. That much, I know. I don't know about anything else, and I already talked about my future and what I hope it'll be like a few questions back.
Day 10 - My first love and first kiss
Even though I had a few boyfriends before Mike, I can honestly say that Mike is the first guy I've actually loved. He's the only one that I've been...uhm...attracted to physically. Not to mention, I'm really attracted to him emotionally, too. He was also my first kiss, and I don't know how to describe it; it was perfect. He's perfect.
Day 11 - Ipod on shuffle
Yeah, I don't have my ipod so
skipping
I'll finish this shit later since that's all I have saved and today happened to be day 11. Uh, yeah
Day 12 - Bullet my day
- Wake up
- Take shower
- Stand in the bathroom for awhile because I'm lazy
- Make pies
- Some internet
- Talk to Ben and Jade
- Call Mike
- Internet and TV
- Eating
- Talk to Mike when he gets online
- More internet
- Eating again
- Internet
And several trips to the bathroom scattered throughout
Day 13 - Somewhere I'd like to move or visit
Well, I've always wanted to go to England. London, really. Now I have a reason, to visit my wee lil sack 'o potatoes. Paris would be pretty to go to, and I've always thought that going to Sweden would be some sweet shit. I'd like to meet up with a couple friends I've met online there, since...they live there.
Day 14 - My earliest memory
I can't remember. B:
Day 15 - My favorite websites
DeviantART, tumblr, LiveJournal (sparklesnark)
Day 16 - My views on mainstream music
I fucking hate most of it because it's shoved down my throat so often that it just becomes annoying.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Cats in baskets
Okay, technically it's one cat in a basket, and just multiple pictures of him, but I mean, come on.
Look at his face. Look at it.
And have a picture of my other cat, laying on my bedroom floor on some gross towels I need to wash:
Look at his face. Look at it.
And have a picture of my other cat, laying on my bedroom floor on some gross towels I need to wash:
As you may have read in my deviantART journal...
...My half-cousin was found dead yesterday morning by his father. No one really knows the cause of his death, but I, myself, have made a few somewhat-educated guesses based on how the kid lived his life.
This is the same boy caught sneaking into junkyards and scrapyards and the like to steal stuff so he could sell it to buy drugs and alcohol. Which, obviously led to him getting arrested not several, but many, many, many times. He started that shit when he was probably around 15-16 years old, maybe younger, and his father constantly had to bail him out because hey, his mother had been living with her new husband who she had been married to for quite awhile. AKA, my uncle. And they had other kids, too, so, yeah.
I feel bad for my cousins since they lost a half-brother, but to be honest, the kid was a dick.
Anyway...the kid basically sold shit to get money for drugs and alcohol, which really isn't all that much of a surprise, considering a lot of people tend to do stuff like that because they need their fix, but...most people I know of who do such things are smart enough to not mix drugs and alcohol, ever and that at least saves them a bit of respect from me.
But my half-cousin, what does he do?
Shoots up, snorts, drinks, all within just a few minutes of whatever else he did. Regardless. I shouldn't be giving out all this info, and I feel bad for bringing attention to it, but...really. His dad did so much for him as well, and the kid was still a selfish ass.
The last time I saw my other half-cousin (his younger brother) it was to bring him up to Pennsylvania so he could spend time with his mother. And during that 5-hour car ride, I was told stories about him getting arrested and assaulting policemen and really anyone that got between him and whatever it was that he wanted, whether he was high/drunk/stoned or whatever the hell else.
To add to that, this boy wasn't the skinniest person alive by any means. He was really, really overweight; I haven't seen him since I was probably 8-9, so about 9 years ago nearly, if not already. And last time I saw this child, he was only a few inches taller than me at the time (so he was maybe 5'5"? I know I'm like 5'10" now but this was years ago so yeah) and weighed at least two and a half times as much as I did; and I remember weighing probably around 75 or 80 pounds. So he was at least 200 by the time he was 13. Not healthy. Annnnd...he gained a hell of a lot of weight since then as well.
And he did nothing to help it or try to, you know, lose weight, and instead sat at home all day doing drugs, eating, and sleeping. Never working a job as far as I know.
Sooo...based on all of that shit, I'm guessing he died because his heart gave out. Adding together the overweight-ness, the fact he did nothing to cut back on that, and his mixing abuse of drugs and alcohol for at least 6 years, yeah.
I sure have a highly intelligent family.
Thank god he's not blood-related. I'd make a joke about it being because of his mom being my aunt but that would make me a dick, and it's far too soon anyway.
I feel weird, considering I'm not sad about it at all. He was always an asshole to everyone, regardless of who it was, and it seemed that whenever I was trying to hang out with his brother and play vidyagaems and shit with him for some cousin-bonding-time, it'd get worse. Whenever his brother would try to hang out with anyone it would get worse.
It was really weird and although I felt bad for the both of them, the older kiddo (the one who died) really pissed me off and since then I've had no feelings other than loathing towards him. His brother and I still get along, but I haven't heard his reaction to the finding. I feel bad for him.
Not the dead brother, but the younger one. He lost someone who was really close to him at some point, even if the man was a dick. He lost a part of his immediate family and hell, I know that's not fun. :C We don't know when the funeral is, either; we need to figure out what killed him first.
Watch me be completely off about it.
Watch him have died from something really, really sad and not caused by him at all.
Then I'll feel a little bad.
I respect the man, but only because I try my best to respect the dead. I have no respect for what he did during his life, though; that was horrible and lkajsfakldgjgd
This is the same boy caught sneaking into junkyards and scrapyards and the like to steal stuff so he could sell it to buy drugs and alcohol. Which, obviously led to him getting arrested not several, but many, many, many times. He started that shit when he was probably around 15-16 years old, maybe younger, and his father constantly had to bail him out because hey, his mother had been living with her new husband who she had been married to for quite awhile. AKA, my uncle. And they had other kids, too, so, yeah.
I feel bad for my cousins since they lost a half-brother, but to be honest, the kid was a dick.
Anyway...the kid basically sold shit to get money for drugs and alcohol, which really isn't all that much of a surprise, considering a lot of people tend to do stuff like that because they need their fix, but...most people I know of who do such things are smart enough to not mix drugs and alcohol, ever and that at least saves them a bit of respect from me.
But my half-cousin, what does he do?
Shoots up, snorts, drinks, all within just a few minutes of whatever else he did. Regardless. I shouldn't be giving out all this info, and I feel bad for bringing attention to it, but...really. His dad did so much for him as well, and the kid was still a selfish ass.
The last time I saw my other half-cousin (his younger brother) it was to bring him up to Pennsylvania so he could spend time with his mother. And during that 5-hour car ride, I was told stories about him getting arrested and assaulting policemen and really anyone that got between him and whatever it was that he wanted, whether he was high/drunk/stoned or whatever the hell else.
To add to that, this boy wasn't the skinniest person alive by any means. He was really, really overweight; I haven't seen him since I was probably 8-9, so about 9 years ago nearly, if not already. And last time I saw this child, he was only a few inches taller than me at the time (so he was maybe 5'5"? I know I'm like 5'10" now but this was years ago so yeah) and weighed at least two and a half times as much as I did; and I remember weighing probably around 75 or 80 pounds. So he was at least 200 by the time he was 13. Not healthy. Annnnd...he gained a hell of a lot of weight since then as well.
And he did nothing to help it or try to, you know, lose weight, and instead sat at home all day doing drugs, eating, and sleeping. Never working a job as far as I know.
Sooo...based on all of that shit, I'm guessing he died because his heart gave out. Adding together the overweight-ness, the fact he did nothing to cut back on that, and his mixing abuse of drugs and alcohol for at least 6 years, yeah.
I sure have a highly intelligent family.
Thank god he's not blood-related. I'd make a joke about it being because of his mom being my aunt but that would make me a dick, and it's far too soon anyway.
I feel weird, considering I'm not sad about it at all. He was always an asshole to everyone, regardless of who it was, and it seemed that whenever I was trying to hang out with his brother and play vidyagaems and shit with him for some cousin-bonding-time, it'd get worse. Whenever his brother would try to hang out with anyone it would get worse.
It was really weird and although I felt bad for the both of them, the older kiddo (the one who died) really pissed me off and since then I've had no feelings other than loathing towards him. His brother and I still get along, but I haven't heard his reaction to the finding. I feel bad for him.
Not the dead brother, but the younger one. He lost someone who was really close to him at some point, even if the man was a dick. He lost a part of his immediate family and hell, I know that's not fun. :C We don't know when the funeral is, either; we need to figure out what killed him first.
Watch me be completely off about it.
Watch him have died from something really, really sad and not caused by him at all.
Then I'll feel a little bad.
I respect the man, but only because I try my best to respect the dead. I have no respect for what he did during his life, though; that was horrible and lkajsfakldgjgd
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
100 things about me
You know, since...well...I'm kinda just sitting here at this point and I really need something to distract me, or really just...keep me busy, I guess, so I'm going to do my very best to type out 100 things about me; what I'm like, what my thoughts are, what I love, hate, and just...general things, I guess. Things people may have known, or not. Things that may seem totally 'bawww-y' and heavy stuff. So I apologize in advance if things are retarded, stupid, TMI or just...unpleasant.
So, here goes.
1. Sometimes, I'll feel like I don't deserve what I have, especially my friends, and Boyfriend. I'll feel like I'm only a burden to them and that I'm only bringing them down.
2. I try too hard sometimes. Way too hard.
3. A lot of the time, I come off as a huge dick, because I don't always think about what I say, before I say it.
4. I'm incredibly snarky and sarcastic, and sometimes hurt people because of that; all because I don't know how to make it obvious that I'm joking. Again, I come off as a huge dick.
5. Unless I'm told otherwise by people, I feel, well, worthless; however, that is only whenever Boyfriend isn't around for me to talk to.
6. Friends make me feel loved, yes, but Boyfriend is the only one that can cheer me up with a single message, even if I don't show it.
7. I used to be really, really incredibly awkward about PDA, but Boyfriend helped me defeat that feeling the first time we were out in public...a theme park - Hershey Park.
8. I feel as if I talk about certain subjects way too much; however, there are very few things I'm interested in enough or know enough about to hold a conversation, so many of my 'friendships' either don't get that close, or usually fail.
9. I'm a grammar nazi.
10. Despite what people may think, I'm not an emotionless bastard. I don't cry over everything, but I also don't let things whiz by without a second thought.
11. There have been nights where I've cried nonstop and gone to school the next day without any sleep.
12. I have severe insomnia on occasion, so there's often times where I go on only a few hours sleep for a couple of days, or go on with none for maybe two or three, until I pass out from exhaustion.
13. I have never really said 'I love you' to anyone before Boyfriend without meaning it with all of my heart and soul. That sounds sappy, but...
14. Mike is my everything, and always will be.
15. There are times when I think that everyone except Boyfriend is mad at me, no matter what anyone says.
16. In all of my past relationships, I was cheated on, ignored, etc. until they got 'tired' of me and threw me away. And despite all of those things, I moved on.
17. I've found someone who says he will never let me go...and I believe him.
18. People saying that you 'can't find someone through the internet' kinda disappoint me in a way. I can't say how or why, but I'm just all 'okay'.
19. I once had a friend that believed because we were best friends that we were 'dating'. Needless to say, her 'ex' (as in, who had just broken up with her days before) girlfriend got pissy and threatened to kill herself unless she got her 'gf' back. And I was like, lolwat.
20. I'm actually quite terrified of having to go to the gynecologist. No one should ever see that place unless it's Boyfriend in the future, or it's an emergency. I guess I'm more afraid of having a guy gyno than a female.
21. I tend to swear a lot, even though I don't mean to. It just...happens.
22. I'm a huge pervert at times, always pointing out what could be resembling anything sexual at all in any way. Also, 'that's what he/she said' jokes abound.
23. People who say 'I miss my friend but can't say hi' disappoint me to a certain extent, too. You can't say hi? What are you, mute? Just walk up to them and say hi. If they don't respond, say it again, or just leave them alone and try again later. Who knows? They may just be busy, especially if they're working on something.
24. Sometimes I get into moods and will write for hours, only to delete and/or throw away poems, stories, etc. because I feel like they're too 'revealing', in a sense.
25. When I'm happy, I may actually come off as sad, which really hurts me, because I don't want people feeling like I'm sad and that they can't help when they do help.
26. I absolutely hate my voice and laugh. I know that your voice sounds different to other people than it does to you, but really.
27. I don't always tell people how much they mean to me, because I'm really bad at doing so, except for with Boyfriend; but rest assured, I love you. If you're my friend, I love you, and thank you.
28. People who call anyone who has any love for animals at all, or who has ever dressed like or drawn and animal before a 'furry' ruffle my feathers, so to speak. If you're going to label someone, do it right.
29. Sometimes I'll cry whenever I'm happy. However, I'm not sure if people believe me whenever I tell them it's because I'm happy, not sad.
30. Whenever I hear to a song that I used to listen to a lot (either wanted or not) as a younger kid, or as a kid in general, I'll sometimes get sad or teary because I miss being a kid and not having to worry so much.
31. Unlike most teenagers, I want to have kids at some point.
32. I'm always scared I'm going to do or say something stupid and lose one or more of my friends.
33. I hate arguing with my friends over stupid things that don't really matter, but because of my more competitive kinda nature, I don't tend to drop things easily, which makes me feel like an ass.
34. Sometimes, I feel like I'm legitimately not wanted by my family. Sounds like a stereotypical teenage thing, but after having two fathers leave me as a small child, and both of them being abusive, along with a mother who normally doesn't speak to me unless it's important to her or she needs something done, then, well, yeah.
35. I can honestly say I no longer have a brother; unless he decides to stop being a 'rebel' and all that shit, he's pretty much dead to me, especially since he's a douche who only wants to pick fights with people.
36. Whenever I'm sick, I want to fight things out; I hate taking medication because it upsets my stomach.
37. I have dreams that make me wonder about the sanity of my psyche.
38. I'm scared that I won't be able to make it on my own in life.
39. I want to be a teacher, and an illustrator. However, I have no idea what I want to do for sure, because I'd also enjoy being a mental therapist, or an engineer.
40. I have a bunch of self-esteem and self-image issues. I often think I'm fat.
41. Guilty of playing The Game.
42. Guilty of using memes in the real world.
43. Guilty of disliking brownies to a certain extent because of the moist richness. I have a weird gag reflex with everything but brownies and cake make it horribly bad. herp redundancy
44. Whenever someone's upset, I feel like it's my fault.
45. If someone close to me gets sad, I get scared. I'm not entirely sure why.
46. Whenever I got my period, my mom didn't know for a few months, because I never told her, and I had my own bathroom; she never checked the cans.
47. I love zombies. If I could acquire a pet zombie, I'd do it. As long as it didn't bite.
48. I am very prone to panic attacks, especially whenever I'm in a hospital. Kind of ironic.
49. I get angry whenever someone makes an announcement 'I'm grounded' or something and then complains about it. You did something wrong, and you got caught. Do you expect to be rewarded? No, fuck you. You got what you deserve.
50. I support homosexual marriage and rights.
51. I am a feminist, but not a feminazi. That's insane. Everyone should have equal rights, in my eyes; at least adults.
52. I love the smell of coffee, but I don't enjoy the taste. However, I don't mind black coffee very much (but it hates me).
53. I love the smell of cigars, but have never smoked; don't plan to anyway. I need money for vidya gaems, computer, and more importantly, boyfriend.
54. I find it odd when people claim to 'love all animals equally' and then claim to be a 'dog person' or a 'cat person', or say how ugly some animal is and that they hate it. Bitch, please. You don't love all animals equally.
55. On that last point, I'm neither a cat or a dog person. I've always wanted a malamute or a corgi - malamutes are BEAUTIFUL dogs and corgis are just ridiculously adorable - but Boyfriend and I have settled on a tortoiseshell kitty. Kitty! Woo!
56. Calico, tuxedo, and tortoiseshell are my favorite breeds of cats.
57. Friends are my favorite breed of people
58. I'm guilty of telling stupid jokes. Often.
59. I'm just a glistening ray of sunshine and I shit rainbows and vomit glitter. So, I guess I'm Ke$ha, I just can't sing or dance and I'm not famous at all anymore. OH WELL I'M FINE WITH THAT
60. I can sleep anywhere. Anywhere. Having moved from the middle of the city to the middle of nowhere, and having a wide array of couches, floors, and beds during that time, I can sleep anywhere from a concrete floor listening to people outside yelling and the traffic going BEEP BEEP, to the middle of the forest in complete silence.
61. I get sad whenever I'm talking to someone and they take forever to reply, or reply with 'oh' or something because I automatically think Oh no, I'm bothering them, they hate me now and always always always will forever.
62. Whenever I see flashing/strobing lights, I hear sounds. They make pretty music sometimes. I like pretty music.
63. I'm horribly terrified of my grandmother's driving.
64. Whenever someone says something along the lines of 'I'm blind as a bat' I have to step in and say bitch, bats aren't blind mothafucka get your facts straight and then I look like a douche.
65. I believe that all people who speak English as their first language and butcher it horribly need to have their breeding licenses revoked.
66. I wish there was such a thing as a breeding license.
67. Yes, I have IBS, but that doesn't mean you should try and piss me off to make me sick. That doesn't mean you stress me out to make me sick. Yes, stressing me out makes me ill, but you trying to do so is just...stupid. Stop it. Stop it.
68. No, you don't wish you had cluster headaches. They're painful as fuck and they're nothing like a normal migraine, so fuck off. It's not fun.
69. I do really bad photosherps in my spare time. I find them hilarious.
So, here goes.
1. Sometimes, I'll feel like I don't deserve what I have, especially my friends, and Boyfriend. I'll feel like I'm only a burden to them and that I'm only bringing them down.
2. I try too hard sometimes. Way too hard.
3. A lot of the time, I come off as a huge dick, because I don't always think about what I say, before I say it.
4. I'm incredibly snarky and sarcastic, and sometimes hurt people because of that; all because I don't know how to make it obvious that I'm joking. Again, I come off as a huge dick.
5. Unless I'm told otherwise by people, I feel, well, worthless; however, that is only whenever Boyfriend isn't around for me to talk to.
6. Friends make me feel loved, yes, but Boyfriend is the only one that can cheer me up with a single message, even if I don't show it.
7. I used to be really, really incredibly awkward about PDA, but Boyfriend helped me defeat that feeling the first time we were out in public...a theme park - Hershey Park.
8. I feel as if I talk about certain subjects way too much; however, there are very few things I'm interested in enough or know enough about to hold a conversation, so many of my 'friendships' either don't get that close, or usually fail.
9. I'm a grammar nazi.
10. Despite what people may think, I'm not an emotionless bastard. I don't cry over everything, but I also don't let things whiz by without a second thought.
11. There have been nights where I've cried nonstop and gone to school the next day without any sleep.
12. I have severe insomnia on occasion, so there's often times where I go on only a few hours sleep for a couple of days, or go on with none for maybe two or three, until I pass out from exhaustion.
13. I have never really said 'I love you' to anyone before Boyfriend without meaning it with all of my heart and soul. That sounds sappy, but...
14. Mike is my everything, and always will be.
15. There are times when I think that everyone except Boyfriend is mad at me, no matter what anyone says.
16. In all of my past relationships, I was cheated on, ignored, etc. until they got 'tired' of me and threw me away. And despite all of those things, I moved on.
17. I've found someone who says he will never let me go...and I believe him.
18. People saying that you 'can't find someone through the internet' kinda disappoint me in a way. I can't say how or why, but I'm just all 'okay'.
19. I once had a friend that believed because we were best friends that we were 'dating'. Needless to say, her 'ex' (as in, who had just broken up with her days before) girlfriend got pissy and threatened to kill herself unless she got her 'gf' back. And I was like, lolwat.
20. I'm actually quite terrified of having to go to the gynecologist. No one should ever see that place unless it's Boyfriend in the future, or it's an emergency. I guess I'm more afraid of having a guy gyno than a female.
21. I tend to swear a lot, even though I don't mean to. It just...happens.
22. I'm a huge pervert at times, always pointing out what could be resembling anything sexual at all in any way. Also, 'that's what he/she said' jokes abound.
23. People who say 'I miss my friend but can't say hi' disappoint me to a certain extent, too. You can't say hi? What are you, mute? Just walk up to them and say hi. If they don't respond, say it again, or just leave them alone and try again later. Who knows? They may just be busy, especially if they're working on something.
24. Sometimes I get into moods and will write for hours, only to delete and/or throw away poems, stories, etc. because I feel like they're too 'revealing', in a sense.
25. When I'm happy, I may actually come off as sad, which really hurts me, because I don't want people feeling like I'm sad and that they can't help when they do help.
26. I absolutely hate my voice and laugh. I know that your voice sounds different to other people than it does to you, but really.
27. I don't always tell people how much they mean to me, because I'm really bad at doing so, except for with Boyfriend; but rest assured, I love you. If you're my friend, I love you, and thank you.
28. People who call anyone who has any love for animals at all, or who has ever dressed like or drawn and animal before a 'furry' ruffle my feathers, so to speak. If you're going to label someone, do it right.
29. Sometimes I'll cry whenever I'm happy. However, I'm not sure if people believe me whenever I tell them it's because I'm happy, not sad.
30. Whenever I hear to a song that I used to listen to a lot (either wanted or not) as a younger kid, or as a kid in general, I'll sometimes get sad or teary because I miss being a kid and not having to worry so much.
31. Unlike most teenagers, I want to have kids at some point.
32. I'm always scared I'm going to do or say something stupid and lose one or more of my friends.
33. I hate arguing with my friends over stupid things that don't really matter, but because of my more competitive kinda nature, I don't tend to drop things easily, which makes me feel like an ass.
34. Sometimes, I feel like I'm legitimately not wanted by my family. Sounds like a stereotypical teenage thing, but after having two fathers leave me as a small child, and both of them being abusive, along with a mother who normally doesn't speak to me unless it's important to her or she needs something done, then, well, yeah.
35. I can honestly say I no longer have a brother; unless he decides to stop being a 'rebel' and all that shit, he's pretty much dead to me, especially since he's a douche who only wants to pick fights with people.
36. Whenever I'm sick, I want to fight things out; I hate taking medication because it upsets my stomach.
37. I have dreams that make me wonder about the sanity of my psyche.
38. I'm scared that I won't be able to make it on my own in life.
39. I want to be a teacher, and an illustrator. However, I have no idea what I want to do for sure, because I'd also enjoy being a mental therapist, or an engineer.
40. I have a bunch of self-esteem and self-image issues. I often think I'm fat.
41. Guilty of playing The Game.
42. Guilty of using memes in the real world.
43. Guilty of disliking brownies to a certain extent because of the moist richness. I have a weird gag reflex with everything but brownies and cake make it horribly bad. herp redundancy
44. Whenever someone's upset, I feel like it's my fault.
45. If someone close to me gets sad, I get scared. I'm not entirely sure why.
46. Whenever I got my period, my mom didn't know for a few months, because I never told her, and I had my own bathroom; she never checked the cans.
47. I love zombies. If I could acquire a pet zombie, I'd do it. As long as it didn't bite.
48. I am very prone to panic attacks, especially whenever I'm in a hospital. Kind of ironic.
49. I get angry whenever someone makes an announcement 'I'm grounded' or something and then complains about it. You did something wrong, and you got caught. Do you expect to be rewarded? No, fuck you. You got what you deserve.
50. I support homosexual marriage and rights.
51. I am a feminist, but not a feminazi. That's insane. Everyone should have equal rights, in my eyes; at least adults.
52. I love the smell of coffee, but I don't enjoy the taste. However, I don't mind black coffee very much (but it hates me).
53. I love the smell of cigars, but have never smoked; don't plan to anyway. I need money for vidya gaems, computer, and more importantly, boyfriend.
54. I find it odd when people claim to 'love all animals equally' and then claim to be a 'dog person' or a 'cat person', or say how ugly some animal is and that they hate it. Bitch, please. You don't love all animals equally.
55. On that last point, I'm neither a cat or a dog person. I've always wanted a malamute or a corgi - malamutes are BEAUTIFUL dogs and corgis are just ridiculously adorable - but Boyfriend and I have settled on a tortoiseshell kitty. Kitty! Woo!
56. Calico, tuxedo, and tortoiseshell are my favorite breeds of cats.
57. Friends are my favorite breed of people
58. I'm guilty of telling stupid jokes. Often.
59. I'm just a glistening ray of sunshine and I shit rainbows and vomit glitter. So, I guess I'm Ke$ha, I just can't sing or dance and I'm not famous at all anymore. OH WELL I'M FINE WITH THAT
60. I can sleep anywhere. Anywhere. Having moved from the middle of the city to the middle of nowhere, and having a wide array of couches, floors, and beds during that time, I can sleep anywhere from a concrete floor listening to people outside yelling and the traffic going BEEP BEEP, to the middle of the forest in complete silence.
61. I get sad whenever I'm talking to someone and they take forever to reply, or reply with 'oh' or something because I automatically think Oh no, I'm bothering them, they hate me now and always always always will forever.
62. Whenever I see flashing/strobing lights, I hear sounds. They make pretty music sometimes. I like pretty music.
63. I'm horribly terrified of my grandmother's driving.
64. Whenever someone says something along the lines of 'I'm blind as a bat' I have to step in and say bitch, bats aren't blind mothafucka get your facts straight and then I look like a douche.
65. I believe that all people who speak English as their first language and butcher it horribly need to have their breeding licenses revoked.
66. I wish there was such a thing as a breeding license.
67. Yes, I have IBS, but that doesn't mean you should try and piss me off to make me sick. That doesn't mean you stress me out to make me sick. Yes, stressing me out makes me ill, but you trying to do so is just...stupid. Stop it. Stop it.
68. No, you don't wish you had cluster headaches. They're painful as fuck and they're nothing like a normal migraine, so fuck off. It's not fun.
69. I do really bad photosherps in my spare time. I find them hilarious.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Tree giraffes, Lady Gaga, Charlie Barkin and Santa, and My Little Pony
I swear, every time I go to sleep, I have a strange dream. Even if I don't remember them, I have a strange dream. There's absolutely nothing that I can think of that would have any effect on me, there's just...nothing I can think of that I've been doing, that I've eaten or drank, and since I don't do drugs or drink or smoke or anything like that, then that rules out just about everything. Plus I eat and drink different things and hardly ever right before I fall asleep so it just makes no sense.
Examples of said dreams:
Tree Giraffes
I've had a recurring dream ever since I was probably around 5-ish that makes me go wat. This dream consists of me being in my grandparents' kitchen at their old house in the middle of the woods, with my grandmother, making turkey and mashed potatoes. However, my brother was yelling for me so I was being a responsible bigger sister and ran out onto the carport, into part of the driveway, and to the left. Towards three trees kinda on the other side of the driveway area.
Examples of said dreams:
Tree Giraffes
I've had a recurring dream ever since I was probably around 5-ish that makes me go wat. This dream consists of me being in my grandparents' kitchen at their old house in the middle of the woods, with my grandmother, making turkey and mashed potatoes. However, my brother was yelling for me so I was being a responsible bigger sister and ran out onto the carport, into part of the driveway, and to the left. Towards three trees kinda on the other side of the driveway area.
Shown: shitty art depicting my travels towards the tree of giraffe
Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I then just kinda moseyed on over to that blue-circled tree on the left, and heard singing, so I stopped. Now, I'm pretty sure that most people who would be walking by a tree and heard singing would, well, get the fuck away from it if they were normal people, or weren't curious 5-year-olds. Anyway, I stopped, looked over, bent the branches back a little bit, and saw an entire goddamned rainforest inside of that tree, complete with waterfalls. And then three giraffes stuck their heads out from around those branches on the inside and started singing.
And of course five year old me acts like this is completely normal and keeps walking, around those trees because I hear noises. So I...keep walking, and soon see my brother and grandfather throwing rocks at a little hill/embankment thing near the shed.
I really didn't know what the bloody fuck they were doing so I just kinda stood there, and then that dragon magician lady from Sleeping Beauty (Disney version) and she flew up into the sky, as a dragon thing, but not really into the sky just...she was still kinda in the ground I KNOW IT MAKES NO SENSE, SHUT UP but then she damned us all to hell or something then I ate mashed potatoes and then woke up. What.
Charlie Barkin and Santa
Charlie Barkin and Santa
Also had a dream that had me at a beachhouse for my friend's birthday party, I went to use the bathroom and was washing my hands when the smaller wall to the left of me with the window just...dropped, and Charlie Barkin was driving Santa's sleigh and was like LOL LET'S GO and I was just all LOL, OK and I didn't question anything. But we flew through the clouds back to wherever the hell is it Charlie goes and it was pretty awesome. Itchy was there too.
Lady Gaga
And while I'm typing all of these dreams up, I can't possibly leave out the one that involved Lady Gaga. No, of course not, because that would be ridiculous. Anyway. I was working putting on masks on these headthings that were in drawers - keep in mind, I was outside, and it kinda felt like that cemetery in Left 4 Dead 2, but the drawers were all in rows and shit and I was between a forest and a highway - whenever I was thinking shit, shit I NEED to get this done before something BAD happens and I had no idea what that 'bad' thing was, but then something exploded and I was just like fuck.
So I'm standing there looking around and Lady Gaga drives up in this...van/truck thing and is like GET IN and I'm just all UH, OKAY so I get in and she's telling me all about what's happening and I'm not paying attention because I'm holding a guitar and I had no idea how it got there. So a Jamaican man suddenly pops up behind us in the truck (kinda like a prison truck thing, or an ambulance) and he just says GIMME 'THA GEETAH, MAHN and I'm just staring at him so Lady Gaga looks over to me while we're driving down this highway and is like GIVE THE MAN THE GUITAR so I did and he starts playing heavy metal rock and then reggae music on an acoustic guitar how does that work? I don't know
Anyway the man is playing reggae, Gaga is driving and I'm sitting in the passenger's seat just trying to figure out exactly what the flying fuck is going on. However, we're driving down this highway (which is surrounded by trees for some reason) and there's like...other highways on bridges crisscrossing above us with giant dogs like those regular-sized ones from Silent Hill were jumping off of them onto OUR road trying to get us. And there were soldiers running out of the forest shooting guns and then getting mauled and killed by these dogs.
Lady Gaga is wearing her headpiece from Telephone's sandwich making scene and she's ripping off chunks of it and throwing them and they're grenades. Oh, and it regenerates the pieces she ripped off. So I was just all wat.
Anyway the man is playing reggae, Gaga is driving and I'm sitting in the passenger's seat just trying to figure out exactly what the flying fuck is going on. However, we're driving down this highway (which is surrounded by trees for some reason) and there's like...other highways on bridges crisscrossing above us with giant dogs like those regular-sized ones from Silent Hill were jumping off of them onto OUR road trying to get us. And there were soldiers running out of the forest shooting guns and then getting mauled and killed by these dogs.
Lady Gaga is wearing her headpiece from Telephone's sandwich making scene and she's ripping off chunks of it and throwing them and they're grenades. Oh, and it regenerates the pieces she ripped off. So I was just all wat.
Anyway she decides to stop at this one place in the woods (somehow we went from driving on a highway to driving offroad through a clearing in the woods) and well, we stop and all that and we have to choose Pokémon. I had a Mightyena and Luxray, Gaga had a Jynx and Milotic, and Jamaican guy had a Charmeleon, and his guitar.
So then we fought our way up the top of Mercy Hospital from Left 4 Dead with our Pokemon, and then I woke up. That dream was wonderful.
So then we fought our way up the top of Mercy Hospital from Left 4 Dead with our Pokemon, and then I woke up. That dream was wonderful.
My Little Pony
Last night, I had a dream that I worked in a bakery and was making cakes; however, everyone believed that 'simple cakes that are only one color and flavor' like 'vanilla with white frosting' or 'chocolate with chocolate frosting' or 'lemon with lemon frosting' are the only acceptable ways to make a cake.
However, I was a rebel and made a My Little Pony cake, complete with a blueish main color, cloudy things around the edges, a standing Twilight Sparkle and hovering Rainbow Dash, and a rainbow that actually shone. Keep in mind, those things were all STANDING on the cake; but they were made out of cake and nothing else. They were just...what.
Anyway.
I have weird dreams.
Anyway.
I have weird dreams.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
so ur chillin in bed
searchin n explorin teh internet n u heer a cat mewo so u think 'fkin cat', and no want let cat in bedrorm, cursin n swerin @ yor cat b/cus he is anoying n shit n ur just lke 'stupid cat, y u not quiet'
n e way u get up to let n cat
but u opne teh door, n no cat is ther, n ur akshul cat is chilin on ur foot of the bed
then who was cat???
n e way u get up to let n cat
but u opne teh door, n no cat is ther, n ur akshul cat is chilin on ur foot of the bed
then who was cat???
Friday, April 1, 2011
April Fool's
Okay so in the morning I walk into school. Obviously. And I go to my locker. Again, obviously. And Best Friend is always there, yet again, obviously unless she happens to not be there which isn't very often but whatever. And given that today is April Fool's Day - possibly a day I find more obnoxious than any other simply because people are shit at practical jokes - Best Friend tried to get me.
Horribly.
Best Friend: I have AIDS.
*pause*
Me: I believe it.
Then Best Friend told me she hated me, called me a dick and then we went and talked about how shitty today is because yesterday felt like Friday so today is just blargh and we don't want to do anything.
Also I'm currently at lunch. Maybe I'll sign into Skype, I don't know. Maybe I'll get around to it.
Anyway.
Another day halfway over, about.
Awesome.
Horribly.
Best Friend: I have AIDS.
*pause*
Me: I believe it.
Then Best Friend told me she hated me, called me a dick and then we went and talked about how shitty today is because yesterday felt like Friday so today is just blargh and we don't want to do anything.
Also I'm currently at lunch. Maybe I'll sign into Skype, I don't know. Maybe I'll get around to it.
Anyway.
Another day halfway over, about.
Awesome.
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