My 16-year-old brother got a fairly new car - as in a 2008 Hyundai - because he wanted one. So, of course, my grandparents and father give the kid money to get one, because my brother always gets what he wants, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
My dad said he'd have to talk to my mom about it, but he never did. Dad asked brother how his grades were (Ds, Fs), said it was fine and gave him the money anyway. Doesn't surprise me. But the kid doesn't have a job, he doesn't have a license; he lives a 3 minute drive away from the school. He has no reason to have a car. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with a 14-year-old beater car, that, while it has been a sturdy car, it does have problems with it, and it will have to be replaced within the next couple of years.
What I think bothers me the most, though, is how our grandmother (dad's mom, not mom's mom - who helped brother get the car) needs surgery for what I'm sure is for her cancer reappearing...and instead of that, they spent money on a car for my brother. Now they're complaining about not having money for the surgery. I'm sorry, but potentially life-saving surgery is definitely a priority to getting a license-less, job-less, reckless-driving newly-16-year-old a car just because he wants one. That's the only reason. Because he wants one.
If he was a safe driver, planning on getting a job, and had his license, alright, that would be more fair than it currently is. However, this kid rides the yellow line, speeds in bad weather (and speeds in general), ignores all warnings from the adult passenger that there is ice and that he should slow down, doesn't stop at red lights or stop signs, and has already wrecked our grandparents' van twice...among other things. But still, surgery. Thanks, but I'd rather have my grandmother alive than have my brother out on the roads driving dangerously.
Am I jealous? A bit, perhaps, but this is coming from a kid who can't even get enough money to go to college next year. Where's my $5,500 for college, dad? Grandparents? I have straight A's with the occasional B or C, I want to go to college, I'm trying to get a job, and I'm a safe driver. I can't even. Why would you give this kid a car?
I love my brother and everything because he is my brother, but...damn.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
I really wish the third time was the charm. - A "Sarah is angry" post.
ALRIGHT, NEXT SEMESTER STAFF
Gailfrancis and Parallelless, I'm looking at you two
If you two act anything like how 95% of the current staff is I'm going to beat you with bags of onions and throw you into a giant vat of cake mix
In all seriousness, though, I understand that people can have late items if you've been out of school for a few days, but your articles should not be over three days late if you've been in school since we drafted for writing. Then again, you're probably too busy playing games on your laptop during classes and studyhalls instead of, y'know, actually writing for the paper. A day late? Alright, that's usually not too bad, but when your article is due on a Friday, and you don't even hand it in the next Monday, I want to punch you in the mouth so hard your teeth will tear your asshole, along with a couple of new ones.
Don't try and force religious views down on people through The Shadow. That's not how it works, and the fact that a lot of people on the staff are like "LOL YEAH LET'S RUN IT" makes me lose even more respect for you and them.
Same with controversial subjects. Please don't force your views on gay rights, abortion, etc. through the paper. We've talked about this. Don't be biased. You're writing a news article, not an editorial. Even if you were writing an editorial, your language and blatant bashing of those who are pro-choice and for gay rights is absolutely disgusting and shouldn't be printed in the (school) paper.
Regarding the fundraisers, we had well over three weeks to sell as much as we could. There were 60 jerky sticks we had to sell, and 52 (maybe 54?) fruit snacks. And kids eat that shit up in our school. Don't tell me (and more importantly, our supervisor) that you couldn't sell them all. I sold out of my first box of fruit snacks in under a week, and the second one about 7 school days later...and I wasn't even approaching people. I also sold out of jerky before the three weeks was up. How did you manage to sell less than 10 of each item? I know for a fact most of you left the jerky in your locker. Please don't tell me you didn't; I can tell you're lying. :I
Along with all of that, please proofread your shit before you turn it in. Not only am I a proofreader, I am the main photo editor (and the only one who knows what they're doing, apparently), I run the website for the paper, and I have my own articles to write. I don't want to have to go through your articles and make the font the right font (we use Bookman Old Style, not Papyrus or Times New Roman), the right size (16 for header, 10 for byline and body, "by" is not capitalized, there is no colon between "by" and your name, and the byline is in bold, we only went over this 1,000 times with our supervisor), and I don't want to have to justify it. I also don't want to have to correct your quite obvious grammar blunders, and I definitely am not happy having to correct spelling on words such as "school". I do not want to have to put periods on the ends of sentences, or stick in some commas so that your sentences do not turn even the most large-lunged man into a crippled, gasping mess on the floor by the time someone is finished reading them aloud. You are seniors. I should not have to do this.
To everyone who bitches about other people getting their work done, when they haven't gotten their own work done: stop trying to get other people to work and do your own damn work. You're holding up both you AND the person you're getting angry at. Finish your work, and then bother them. Checking up on them? Okay, but don't stand there for ten minutes going "omg lyk u rly need 2 finish dis".
Oh, and "photo editing" staff? If you're not aware of how to photoshop an image for the paper, please ask me instead of doing what you think is right. 100% of the time so far, your "I think this is right" images are darker than the original image and I have to re-photoshop them anyway. I know I can be mean sometimes when dealing with this sort of thing, but I'm only mean because you're doing your jobs badly. We went over how to photoshop the images correctly many times when we first got our positions. I am also the head photo editor. I am here for you to ask me questions on photo editing. Please do so, instead of creating more work for me and you. I would rather take the 5 minutes to explain/show you how to do the correct photo editing than have you do it completely wrong and me have to fix it while being pissy with you, wasting everyone's time.
And for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, use an actual fucking camera to take pictures for the paper. We have a camera. I have a camera. STOP USING PHOTOBOOTH. STOP USING YOUR SHITTY PHONE AS A CAMERA.It makes me want to rip out your eyes and pour salt in your sockets. No, but really. It looks really fucking bad. It looks unprofessional. Prior to popular belief, I can't make shitty, blurry pictures into artful masterpieces in photoshop. And you guys are the ones who were bitching about the paper looking bad whenever it came out the last two times.
If only the third time really was the charm. But, y'know, as soon as this shit comes out on the 21st, when we do a commendations and recommendations of the paper, all of you are going to be bawwwing about how "bad" certain stuff was. Well, you know what, cupcakes? It's your own damn fault you aren't willing to put work into the paper. That's why it comes out "bad". Am I (and maybe one or two other people on our 10-people staff) the only one actually putting a good amount of work into this? Am I the only one taking this shit seriously?
Along with the whole "use actual cameras" thing, try your best to not blur the fuck out of the pictures. If you do blur it, retake it; it's always obvious on the preview of the camera when it's blurry, so don't tell me it isn't or that you didn't know...when there is someone's face blurring across the picture.
How I have not completely flipped my shit on any of you is absolutely mind-boggling. Maybe I'm holding onto the hopes that you'll learn and get better, but considering neither of those seemed to have happened, I think I might just flip some tables tomorrow if any of this happens again. Mondays are already bad for everyone. Don't make it worse for us, please. This pisses me off, and my medication is supposed to prevent me from snapping again. PLEASE, just do your work so I don't snap. I don't want to snap. It's bad for me, and it's bad for you. It might hurt your "feelings", but for me, it's a legitimate health problem. So, please. I've asked before.
Oh, and guys? The paper is not free to print. It costs us money to print it, so stop just taking it. Stop thinking you're allowed one for free. I don't care that you wrote stuff in it; I did too, and I'm paying for mine. It's fifty cents. I'm pretty sure most of you can manage that; you certainly blow off more than that on snack foods from the snack shack every day. And you know, if you don't have money but want to read it, ask someone on the staff. They'll let you borrow theirs, or they'll get you one. tl;dr for that part stop stealing The Shadow we need that money to print it
tl;dr for the entire thing - The people on the newspaper staff at my school are, for the most part, lazy and do things wrong all the time (even when we've gone over it many times) so I'm bitching on the internet about it instead of beating their heads in (even though I would like to most days)
Now I'll probably sound like a shitty person or OMG SO MEEN, but trust me, you guys, you don't want to work with these people. I don't dislike them, but I dislike what they do. A few of them, I like. However, that does not excuse what they've done. Just because I am on good terms with you does not mean you can get away with doing nothing without me getting upset. People, oh my god. :1 This isn't even all of it. I wish I could totally go off but there will always be something I forget.
I'm not the managing editor.
Please don't turn me into the honorary one.
Alright, wow, this turned out really fucking long.
Gailfrancis and Parallelless, I'm looking at you two
If you two act anything like how 95% of the current staff is I'm going to beat you with bags of onions and throw you into a giant vat of cake mix
In all seriousness, though, I understand that people can have late items if you've been out of school for a few days, but your articles should not be over three days late if you've been in school since we drafted for writing. Then again, you're probably too busy playing games on your laptop during classes and studyhalls instead of, y'know, actually writing for the paper. A day late? Alright, that's usually not too bad, but when your article is due on a Friday, and you don't even hand it in the next Monday, I want to punch you in the mouth so hard your teeth will tear your asshole, along with a couple of new ones.
Don't try and force religious views down on people through The Shadow. That's not how it works, and the fact that a lot of people on the staff are like "LOL YEAH LET'S RUN IT" makes me lose even more respect for you and them.
Same with controversial subjects. Please don't force your views on gay rights, abortion, etc. through the paper. We've talked about this. Don't be biased. You're writing a news article, not an editorial. Even if you were writing an editorial, your language and blatant bashing of those who are pro-choice and for gay rights is absolutely disgusting and shouldn't be printed in the (school) paper.
Regarding the fundraisers, we had well over three weeks to sell as much as we could. There were 60 jerky sticks we had to sell, and 52 (maybe 54?) fruit snacks. And kids eat that shit up in our school. Don't tell me (and more importantly, our supervisor) that you couldn't sell them all. I sold out of my first box of fruit snacks in under a week, and the second one about 7 school days later...and I wasn't even approaching people. I also sold out of jerky before the three weeks was up. How did you manage to sell less than 10 of each item? I know for a fact most of you left the jerky in your locker. Please don't tell me you didn't; I can tell you're lying. :I
Along with all of that, please proofread your shit before you turn it in. Not only am I a proofreader, I am the main photo editor (and the only one who knows what they're doing, apparently), I run the website for the paper, and I have my own articles to write. I don't want to have to go through your articles and make the font the right font (we use Bookman Old Style, not Papyrus or Times New Roman), the right size (16 for header, 10 for byline and body, "by" is not capitalized, there is no colon between "by" and your name, and the byline is in bold, we only went over this 1,000 times with our supervisor), and I don't want to have to justify it. I also don't want to have to correct your quite obvious grammar blunders, and I definitely am not happy having to correct spelling on words such as "school". I do not want to have to put periods on the ends of sentences, or stick in some commas so that your sentences do not turn even the most large-lunged man into a crippled, gasping mess on the floor by the time someone is finished reading them aloud. You are seniors. I should not have to do this.
To everyone who bitches about other people getting their work done, when they haven't gotten their own work done: stop trying to get other people to work and do your own damn work. You're holding up both you AND the person you're getting angry at. Finish your work, and then bother them. Checking up on them? Okay, but don't stand there for ten minutes going "omg lyk u rly need 2 finish dis".
Oh, and "photo editing" staff? If you're not aware of how to photoshop an image for the paper, please ask me instead of doing what you think is right. 100% of the time so far, your "I think this is right" images are darker than the original image and I have to re-photoshop them anyway. I know I can be mean sometimes when dealing with this sort of thing, but I'm only mean because you're doing your jobs badly. We went over how to photoshop the images correctly many times when we first got our positions. I am also the head photo editor. I am here for you to ask me questions on photo editing. Please do so, instead of creating more work for me and you. I would rather take the 5 minutes to explain/show you how to do the correct photo editing than have you do it completely wrong and me have to fix it while being pissy with you, wasting everyone's time.
And for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, use an actual fucking camera to take pictures for the paper. We have a camera. I have a camera. STOP USING PHOTOBOOTH. STOP USING YOUR SHITTY PHONE AS A CAMERA.It makes me want to rip out your eyes and pour salt in your sockets. No, but really. It looks really fucking bad. It looks unprofessional. Prior to popular belief, I can't make shitty, blurry pictures into artful masterpieces in photoshop. And you guys are the ones who were bitching about the paper looking bad whenever it came out the last two times.
If only the third time really was the charm. But, y'know, as soon as this shit comes out on the 21st, when we do a commendations and recommendations of the paper, all of you are going to be bawwwing about how "bad" certain stuff was. Well, you know what, cupcakes? It's your own damn fault you aren't willing to put work into the paper. That's why it comes out "bad". Am I (and maybe one or two other people on our 10-people staff) the only one actually putting a good amount of work into this? Am I the only one taking this shit seriously?
Along with the whole "use actual cameras" thing, try your best to not blur the fuck out of the pictures. If you do blur it, retake it; it's always obvious on the preview of the camera when it's blurry, so don't tell me it isn't or that you didn't know...when there is someone's face blurring across the picture.
How I have not completely flipped my shit on any of you is absolutely mind-boggling. Maybe I'm holding onto the hopes that you'll learn and get better, but considering neither of those seemed to have happened, I think I might just flip some tables tomorrow if any of this happens again. Mondays are already bad for everyone. Don't make it worse for us, please. This pisses me off, and my medication is supposed to prevent me from snapping again. PLEASE, just do your work so I don't snap. I don't want to snap. It's bad for me, and it's bad for you. It might hurt your "feelings", but for me, it's a legitimate health problem. So, please. I've asked before.
Oh, and guys? The paper is not free to print. It costs us money to print it, so stop just taking it. Stop thinking you're allowed one for free. I don't care that you wrote stuff in it; I did too, and I'm paying for mine. It's fifty cents. I'm pretty sure most of you can manage that; you certainly blow off more than that on snack foods from the snack shack every day. And you know, if you don't have money but want to read it, ask someone on the staff. They'll let you borrow theirs, or they'll get you one. tl;dr for that part stop stealing The Shadow we need that money to print it
tl;dr for the entire thing - The people on the newspaper staff at my school are, for the most part, lazy and do things wrong all the time (even when we've gone over it many times) so I'm bitching on the internet about it instead of beating their heads in (even though I would like to most days)
Now I'll probably sound like a shitty person or OMG SO MEEN, but trust me, you guys, you don't want to work with these people. I don't dislike them, but I dislike what they do. A few of them, I like. However, that does not excuse what they've done. Just because I am on good terms with you does not mean you can get away with doing nothing without me getting upset. People, oh my god. :1 This isn't even all of it. I wish I could totally go off but there will always be something I forget.
I'm not the managing editor.
Please don't turn me into the honorary one.
Alright, wow, this turned out really fucking long.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Hey, you "girl gamers"
If you think you're special because you play videogames, stop it.
Especially those of you who just pick up a game and become obsessed with it, only to go around screaming "I AM SUCH A GAMER GURLLL LoLLLL x0x BRB SKYRIM & GUITAR HEROOOO TXT IT"...
No. Stop it. You are not special because you have a vagina and happen to play videogames. Become aware of this. I am tired of seeing pointless updates that say shit like "BRB GUYS BUSY WITH SKYRIM <3" and "LOL IMMA GO PLAY *GAME TITLE HERE* NOWWW BBL LOL". First off, no one gives a shit that you're going to be playing a game. If you're talking to people and want others to know that you're going to be away, then fucking tell them personally instead of posting an update that hardly any of them will read or see on time.
This is especially ridiculous when the game has...absolutely nothing to do with the original post. For example, you post something saying you're going to be busy for a while and might not get stuff done. Okay, cool, we all have those times. However, when you go on saying "I MIGHT BE TOO BUSY PLAYING *GAME TITLE*...LOL BUT WE'LL SEE" it makes me want to strangle you with the bloody, cold corpse of a mangled flamingo.
Lucky for you, I don't have the direct availability for those resources, otherwise there would be a pile of people and flamingos laying in my basement. Right now, though, it's just VHS tapes and beer. At least of the smaller, easily movable things.
Anyway...holy shit. Girls, you aren't special for playing games. You're not special for being on the internet (although when kids [it seems girls especially] first log onto a site for their first time, they are massive idiots with the IQ points of a bag full of onions and the internet in general seems to draw out the ~special~ kids quite easily [read as: those who try and fake illnesses {usually mental}]). You're not special because you got the newest, most talked-about game.
However, you might be able to redeem some of the respect that I lost for you when you said you were a girl gamer (or did anything of the above, or more) by talking game talk with me and actually being able to play a game (completely) without cheating.
Specifically: Dragon Age games that no one seems to play completely through because they ragequit.
And that is my "me being a massive dick" post for the hour.
Especially those of you who just pick up a game and become obsessed with it, only to go around screaming "I AM SUCH A GAMER GURLLL LoLLLL x0x BRB SKYRIM & GUITAR HEROOOO TXT IT"...
No. Stop it. You are not special because you have a vagina and happen to play videogames. Become aware of this. I am tired of seeing pointless updates that say shit like "BRB GUYS BUSY WITH SKYRIM <3" and "LOL IMMA GO PLAY *GAME TITLE HERE* NOWWW BBL LOL". First off, no one gives a shit that you're going to be playing a game. If you're talking to people and want others to know that you're going to be away, then fucking tell them personally instead of posting an update that hardly any of them will read or see on time.
This is especially ridiculous when the game has...absolutely nothing to do with the original post. For example, you post something saying you're going to be busy for a while and might not get stuff done. Okay, cool, we all have those times. However, when you go on saying "I MIGHT BE TOO BUSY PLAYING *GAME TITLE*...LOL BUT WE'LL SEE" it makes me want to strangle you with the bloody, cold corpse of a mangled flamingo.
Lucky for you, I don't have the direct availability for those resources, otherwise there would be a pile of people and flamingos laying in my basement. Right now, though, it's just VHS tapes and beer. At least of the smaller, easily movable things.
Anyway...holy shit. Girls, you aren't special for playing games. You're not special for being on the internet (although when kids [it seems girls especially] first log onto a site for their first time, they are massive idiots with the IQ points of a bag full of onions and the internet in general seems to draw out the ~special~ kids quite easily [read as: those who try and fake illnesses {usually mental}]). You're not special because you got the newest, most talked-about game.
However, you might be able to redeem some of the respect that I lost for you when you said you were a girl gamer (or did anything of the above, or more) by talking game talk with me and actually being able to play a game (completely) without cheating.
Specifically: Dragon Age games that no one seems to play completely through because they ragequit.
And that is my "me being a massive dick" post for the hour.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Blah
Emo.
[] I cry a lot.
[] I go to local shows.
[x] I wear black everyday.
[x] I write sad poetry.
[x] I play an acoustic guitar.
[] My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic! at the Disco.
[x] I think about suicide or death often.
[x] People have told me to cheer up.
[x] I cry when I see dead animals. (depends on the animal, obviously)
[] My myspace pics are black or white or angled.
[x] I wear many band shirts.
[] No one understands me.
[x] I don't talk too often.
[] I look down when I walk.
[] I wear black eyeliner.
[] I have an ex I still cry over.
[] My hair is black
[] My hair covers one of my eyes.
[] I always say 'life sucks'.
Total: 8
Nerd.
[x] I have straight A's.
[] I wear glasses. (CONTACTS)
[] I always do my homework and study.
[] Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement.
[x] Computer games.
[] I'm 'teachers pet'.
[] I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend.
[] I have a bedtime.
[] I use an asthma inhaler.
[x] I carry a calculator with me.
[] I bring my lunch to school.
[/] I always follow the rules.
[] I'm shy around the opposite sex.
[x] I'm always on the computer.
[x] I've never had beer or cigarettes.
[]I always answer every question in class right.
[x] I correct people's grammar.
[x] I read a lot.
[x] School is very important to me.
[] I always stump people.
Total: 8.5
Rebel.
[x] I always speak my mind.
[x] I have 0% of school spirit.
[x] Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
[x] I stand up for what I think is right.
[] On spirit days at school, I wear the rival's colors.
[] Whenever people are doing something, I do the complete opposite.
[] I won't listen to authority figures.
[] I always break the rules.
[] I refuse to compromise.
[] I'm always arguing with people.
[x] I love debate.
[x] I always do what's unexpected of me.
[x] I don't give a shit what people think of me.
[x] If I watch a cruddy movie in theaters, right after it's over, I'll say 'that sucked'.
[x] I'm not afraid to contradict others.
[] I only respect my own beliefs.
[x] If I don't want to do something, I won't do it, no matter what.
[] I laugh at compromising people.
[] I cheer on the rival's sport team to stand out.
[] Rules were meant to be broken.
Total: 10
Jock.
[x] I'm on one or more sport teams. (have been)
[] I always wear my varsity jacket.
[x] I've won awards for my athletic ability.
[] I will only date popular girls/guys.
[] School Spirit 100%.
[] I'm going to a college for sports.
[] I watch sports on tv all the time
[x] I'm muscular. (eh, strong, but not buff)
[] I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.
[] Go Team!
[] I'm a chick/dude magnet.
[] I eat a lot.
[] I'm egotistical.
[] I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.
[] I sit at the jock lunch table.
[] All I talk about with my friends is sports.
[] I go to lots of sports games.
[x] I'm very athletic
[] I wear sport inspired clothing.
[x] play at least 3 different sports. (I can)
Total: 5
Comedian.
[x] I'm funny.
[x] I'm always making jokes.
[] I interrupt class by making people laugh.
[x] I like to entertain people.
[] I worship Kevin Smith.
[] I watch comedies more than anything.
[] I also watch SNL and Mad TV a lot
[x] I'm sarcastic.
[x] I've been told I'm hilarious.
[x] I always imitate people.
[x] I pull lots of pranks.
[x] I always make sarcastic remarks after everything.
[] I have to prove myself by being funny.
[x] People expect me to make jokes, always.
[x] I have a lot of pressure to make everyone laugh.
[x] If I don't make jokes, people ask me what's wrong.
[x] Jim Carrey is my idol
[x] I mostly get along with everybody.
[] At pep rallies, I'm the one acting crazy and silly.
[] My teachers or parents tell me I need to focus more on work and less on joking around.
Total: 13
Shy.
[x] I don't have a lot of friends.
[x] I don't talk too much.
[] It's not that I'm snobby, I just get nervous when talking to people.
[] When people say my name, others say 'who?'
[] I'm pretty sure mostly no one knows who I am.
[] People have told me I need to talk more.
[x] I only talk when other people talk to me first
[] I look down when I walk.
[x] I avoid social gatherings, such as games, dances, or parties.
[] People have tried to help me be more outgoing, but it never works.
[] I always plan to talk to more people, but I never do.
[x] I sit in the back of the classroom.
[] I never participate in class discussions.
[x] I hide behind people to avoid being seen sometimes.
[] I could never be a cashier, talking to strangers.
[] I talk quietly
[x] People have called me shy or quiet.
[] I usually let others decide for me.
[] If someone is talking about my favorite book or movie in front of me, I don't join in the conversation.
[] I would like to be more outgoing.
Total: 7
Goth.
[x] I wear black.
[x] I don't like to be seen.
[x] I'm very, very pale. (honestly, white as a sheet of paper)
[] I only listen to metal or emo-ish music.
[x] I love creepy, weird movies.
[x] I love gothic cartoons and drawings.
[x] I don't like people.
[x] I only go out during the night. (when I can help it)
[] I have black fingernails.
[x] I wear a long black coat.
[x] I also wear big black boots.
[x] 'The Crow' is one of my favorite movies.
[] I only date other Goths.
[x] I love black humor.
[x] I love pain.
[x] People think I'm crazy.
[] I don't talk to anyone who isn't as deep as me.
[x] I love to scare people
[x] I laugh at teenyboppers.
[x] People are scared of me.
Total: 16
Weirdo.
[x] I talk to myself.
[x] I say really random things all the time.
[x] I fidget a lot.
[] I still use a wheeled backpack.
[] People laugh at me.
[] I walk really funny.
[x] I have a very different sense of style.
[] I talk in a robot voice often.
[x] I'll stop whatever I'm doing, and break out in a crazy dance if the mood strikes.
[x] I debate stuff with myself.
[x] I hear voices. (I have a "mild case" of paranoid schizophrenia according to a therapist, but I don't know if I should believe them :1)
[] I'm obsessed with aliens and the other planets.
[x] I have a fascination with robots and machinery.
[] I use really big words no one understands, and they give me weird looks.
[] I say random lines of babbling that make sense to no one but me.
[] I dart my eyes from side to side.
[]I always pretend I'm a robot or other weird non human thing.
[x] People have no idea why I think the way I do.
[x] I have some very unusual, extraordinary talents.
[] When people ask me if I like something that's trendy, I pretend to be scared or confused.
Total: 10
non-social.
[x] I hate most people. (I just don't learn your name~!)
[x] I prefer to be alone. (unless you're Mike, then yes)
[x] When people talk to me, I just give them a death glare.
[x] Actually, most people don't talk to me.
[ ] People are freaking idiots and I wish they'd all die.
[ ] I live in my room, writing in my diary.
[x] I go out my way to avoid everyone.
[x] I never greet anyone.
[ ] I despise people who talk too loudly.
[ ] I want people to think I'm a freak.
[ ] I never talk.
[ ] I can't wait to get off this earth.
[ ] I always sit by myself at lunch or anywhere else.
[ ] I listen to music on full blast on my ipod/mp3 player/headphones to block out the world.
[x] I don't know why I am the way I am.
[x] People have said I'm non-social.
[ ] I use drugs or alcohol to escape the loneliness.
[ ] Why bother when people don't like you anyways?
[x] I occupy myself so it won't look like I'm a loner.
[ ] I just don't get along with anyone.
Total: 9
Skater.
[x] I skateboard to everywhere.
[ ] If I'm not skateboarding, I carry it with me.
[ ] I shop at Pacsun.
[ ] I'm obsessed with Tony Hawk.
[ ] Oh yeah, and Bam Margera.
[ ] I always play skateboarding video games.
[x] I have shaggy hair.
[x] I wear baggy pants.
[x] I wear only skater shoes.
[x] I always wear hoodies.
[ ] I hang at skate parks 24/7.
[ ] I'm always learning new board tricks.
[ ] Forget school, I want to be a professional skateboarder.
[x] I've been skateboarding for over 4 years.
[ ] I hang with other skaters.
[x] I've been hurt while skateboarding.
[ ] I've been in a skateboarding competition.
[x] I wear vans.
[ ] Tony Hawks games own.
[ ] I've met some of my closest friends at skate parks.
Total: 8
Christian Girl/Boy
[ ] I go to church at least once a week.
[ ] Most of my wardrobe consists of long skirts and button down shirts for church.
[ ] I always carry a bible with me.
[ ] My whole family is very religious.
[ ] I've never been on a date.
[x] I've never smoked or had a beer.
[ ] My beliefs are very strong.
[/] I'm waiting until marriage to have sex. (eh, we're just waiting to wait really)
[ ] I wear a cross necklace.
[ ] I have a bracelet that says WWJD.
[ ] I'm always preaching to people about the importance of religion.
[] I believe in God.
[ ] I'm not allowed to watch rated R movies, and sometimes, not even PG-13 movies.
[x] I never go out and party.
[ ] I read the bible everyday.
[ ] I've memorized excerpts from the bible.
[] I go to Sunday school.
[ ] I've been to church camp.
[ ] I pray every night.
[ ] I sing Christian songs.
[ ] I'm an atheist.
Total: 2.5
Gangsta.
[] I say 'yo'.
[ ] I also say 'fo shizzle'.
[ ] I wear extremely baggy pants.
[ ] Mah chainz hang low.
[ ] I hang with my homies, biotches, and H**'s
[ ] I'm a thug.
[ ] I only listen to rap music.
[ ] 50 Cent is my idol.
[ ] I don't give a frick about school.
[ ] I steal/have stolen before.
[x] I freestyle.
[x] I breakdance.
[ ] Gold chainz is tha way to go, biotch.
[ ] I'm white but I act black.
[ ] All my heroes are dead rappers.
[ ] Tupac is still alive.
[ ] I party with all my ****.
[ ] I wear a sideways baseball cap.
[x] I wear hoodies.
[ ] I wear converse with the tongue flipped out.
Total: 3
Bully.
[ ] I always steal people's lunch money.
[ ] Geeks are afraid of me.
[ ] I get in trouble all the time.
[ ] I steal people's stuff to be an asshole.
[ ] People have called me a bully.
[x] I have beat someone up before.
[ ] I'm always looking for a fight.
[ ] I pick on people smaller than me.
[x] I push people out of the way when I'm walking.
[ ] I've never been in a relationship before.
[x] People are afraid of me.
[x] People know not to mess with me.
[x] I'm bigger than most people my age.
[ ] I pick on people for the fun of it.
[ ] I make fun of everything anyone else likes.
[ ] If anyone crosses my path, they're dead.
[ ] People know not to try and stick up for themselves when I'm around.
[ ] I'm one of the strongest kids in school.
[ ] Even some authority figures are afraid of me.
[x] People get out of my way when I'm walking.
Total: 6
Gamer.
[x] I own at least 2 different video game consoles. (try all of them)
[x] I love Final Fantasy.
[x] DDR & Guitar Hero
[x] I've missed school before because I was trying to beat a video game.
[x] I'm always trying to beat high scores on games.
[x] I even play a lot of computer games.
[x] I play at least 3 hours of video games a day.
[ ] My thumbs are sore often.
[ ] I spend all my money on new video games.
[ ] My boyfriend/girlfriend has to be into video games.
[] All I talk about is video games.
[x] I've been in a video game competition before
[ ] I pay over 30$ a month in online games.
[x] I have bought more than 5 accessories for my console
[x] I know about more than 10 cheats and mods in the game I play most
[x] I have played at least a complete week in the game I like most.
[x] I wouldn't know what to do in an afternoon without electricity.
[ ] My parents often tell the internet is broken or simply disconnect it so I don't spend whole weekends and holidays playing.
[x] I have more than one online account on the same game.
Total: 13
Girly.
[x] I have long hair
[ ] I wear make up everyday.
[] I carry a purse.
[ ] I have to get someone else to come kill a spider or any bug.
[] I paint my nails
[] I use perfume
[] I keep my nails clean/shaped
[x] I shower regularly
[x] I used to or still do Dance, Gymnastics, or Cheer/Pom (gymnastics)
[ ] I like to accessorize
[] I like flowers.
[ ] I don't like to be outdoors
[ ] I'm more like my mother than my father
[] I like hanging out with girls than boys.
[] I like going to the mall/shopping. (And buy books. and candles. and bug lollipops.)
[ ] I watch my weight/ count calories.
[] I plan outfits ahead of time
[] People say I have a soft/sweet voice
[x] I dream about and am already planning my wedding day
[ ] I watch dramatic shows on tv, soap operas, reality TV, etc[Bad Girls Club yo!!]
Total: 4
Boyish
[x] I have short hair.
[x] I hate doing laundry
[x] I like war type video games.
[x] I like playing or watching sports
[x] People say I have a deep voice
[ ] I'm more like my dad than my mom.
[x] I beat up or tease my younger siblings or friends.
[x] I act tough, it doesn't matter what's going on inside me.
[] There's only two emotions
[] I shower only when I start to notice I stink
[ ] I think about the opposite sex a lot.
[x] My room isn't neat.
[ ] I bite my nails instead of using scissors/clippers.
[x] My clothes don't match sometimes, but I don't notice or care
[x] I like to play rough with dogs
[x] I like the movies 300, The Dark Knight
[ ] The best way to get the opposite sex to like you is to act like a jerk.
[ ] I don't read
[x] I don't ask for help even if I need it.
Total: 12
[] I cry a lot.
[] I go to local shows.
[x] I wear black everyday.
[x] I write sad poetry.
[x] I play an acoustic guitar.
[] My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic! at the Disco.
[x] I think about suicide or death often.
[x] People have told me to cheer up.
[x] I cry when I see dead animals. (depends on the animal, obviously)
[] My myspace pics are black or white or angled.
[x] I wear many band shirts.
[] No one understands me.
[x] I don't talk too often.
[] I look down when I walk.
[] I wear black eyeliner.
[] I have an ex I still cry over.
[] My hair is black
[] My hair covers one of my eyes.
[] I always say 'life sucks'.
Total: 8
Nerd.
[x] I have straight A's.
[] I wear glasses. (CONTACTS)
[] I always do my homework and study.
[] Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement.
[x] Computer games.
[] I'm 'teachers pet'.
[] I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend.
[] I have a bedtime.
[] I use an asthma inhaler.
[x] I carry a calculator with me.
[] I bring my lunch to school.
[/] I always follow the rules.
[] I'm shy around the opposite sex.
[x] I'm always on the computer.
[x] I've never had beer or cigarettes.
[]I always answer every question in class right.
[x] I correct people's grammar.
[x] I read a lot.
[x] School is very important to me.
[] I always stump people.
Total: 8.5
Rebel.
[x] I always speak my mind.
[x] I have 0% of school spirit.
[x] Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!
[x] I stand up for what I think is right.
[] On spirit days at school, I wear the rival's colors.
[] Whenever people are doing something, I do the complete opposite.
[] I won't listen to authority figures.
[] I always break the rules.
[] I refuse to compromise.
[] I'm always arguing with people.
[x] I love debate.
[x] I always do what's unexpected of me.
[x] I don't give a shit what people think of me.
[x] If I watch a cruddy movie in theaters, right after it's over, I'll say 'that sucked'.
[x] I'm not afraid to contradict others.
[] I only respect my own beliefs.
[x] If I don't want to do something, I won't do it, no matter what.
[] I laugh at compromising people.
[] I cheer on the rival's sport team to stand out.
[] Rules were meant to be broken.
Total: 10
Jock.
[x] I'm on one or more sport teams. (have been)
[] I always wear my varsity jacket.
[x] I've won awards for my athletic ability.
[] I will only date popular girls/guys.
[] School Spirit 100%.
[] I'm going to a college for sports.
[] I watch sports on tv all the time
[x] I'm muscular. (eh, strong, but not buff)
[] I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.
[] Go Team!
[] I'm a chick/dude magnet.
[] I eat a lot.
[] I'm egotistical.
[] I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.
[] I sit at the jock lunch table.
[] All I talk about with my friends is sports.
[] I go to lots of sports games.
[x] I'm very athletic
[] I wear sport inspired clothing.
[x] play at least 3 different sports. (I can)
Total: 5
Comedian.
[x] I'm funny.
[x] I'm always making jokes.
[] I interrupt class by making people laugh.
[x] I like to entertain people.
[] I worship Kevin Smith.
[] I watch comedies more than anything.
[] I also watch SNL and Mad TV a lot
[x] I'm sarcastic.
[x] I've been told I'm hilarious.
[x] I always imitate people.
[x] I pull lots of pranks.
[x] I always make sarcastic remarks after everything.
[] I have to prove myself by being funny.
[x] People expect me to make jokes, always.
[x] I have a lot of pressure to make everyone laugh.
[x] If I don't make jokes, people ask me what's wrong.
[x] Jim Carrey is my idol
[x] I mostly get along with everybody.
[] At pep rallies, I'm the one acting crazy and silly.
[] My teachers or parents tell me I need to focus more on work and less on joking around.
Total: 13
Shy.
[x] I don't have a lot of friends.
[x] I don't talk too much.
[] It's not that I'm snobby, I just get nervous when talking to people.
[] When people say my name, others say 'who?'
[] I'm pretty sure mostly no one knows who I am.
[] People have told me I need to talk more.
[x] I only talk when other people talk to me first
[] I look down when I walk.
[x] I avoid social gatherings, such as games, dances, or parties.
[] People have tried to help me be more outgoing, but it never works.
[] I always plan to talk to more people, but I never do.
[x] I sit in the back of the classroom.
[] I never participate in class discussions.
[x] I hide behind people to avoid being seen sometimes.
[] I could never be a cashier, talking to strangers.
[] I talk quietly
[x] People have called me shy or quiet.
[] I usually let others decide for me.
[] If someone is talking about my favorite book or movie in front of me, I don't join in the conversation.
[] I would like to be more outgoing.
Total: 7
Goth.
[x] I wear black.
[x] I don't like to be seen.
[x] I'm very, very pale. (honestly, white as a sheet of paper)
[] I only listen to metal or emo-ish music.
[x] I love creepy, weird movies.
[x] I love gothic cartoons and drawings.
[x] I don't like people.
[x] I only go out during the night. (when I can help it)
[] I have black fingernails.
[x] I wear a long black coat.
[x] I also wear big black boots.
[x] 'The Crow' is one of my favorite movies.
[] I only date other Goths.
[x] I love black humor.
[x] I love pain.
[x] People think I'm crazy.
[] I don't talk to anyone who isn't as deep as me.
[x] I love to scare people
[x] I laugh at teenyboppers.
[x] People are scared of me.
Total: 16
Weirdo.
[x] I talk to myself.
[x] I say really random things all the time.
[x] I fidget a lot.
[] I still use a wheeled backpack.
[] People laugh at me.
[] I walk really funny.
[x] I have a very different sense of style.
[] I talk in a robot voice often.
[x] I'll stop whatever I'm doing, and break out in a crazy dance if the mood strikes.
[x] I debate stuff with myself.
[x] I hear voices. (I have a "mild case" of paranoid schizophrenia according to a therapist, but I don't know if I should believe them :1)
[] I'm obsessed with aliens and the other planets.
[x] I have a fascination with robots and machinery.
[] I use really big words no one understands, and they give me weird looks.
[] I say random lines of babbling that make sense to no one but me.
[] I dart my eyes from side to side.
[]I always pretend I'm a robot or other weird non human thing.
[x] People have no idea why I think the way I do.
[x] I have some very unusual, extraordinary talents.
[] When people ask me if I like something that's trendy, I pretend to be scared or confused.
Total: 10
non-social.
[x] I hate most people. (I just don't learn your name~!)
[x] I prefer to be alone. (unless you're Mike, then yes)
[x] When people talk to me, I just give them a death glare.
[x] Actually, most people don't talk to me.
[ ] People are freaking idiots and I wish they'd all die.
[ ] I live in my room, writing in my diary.
[x] I go out my way to avoid everyone.
[x] I never greet anyone.
[ ] I despise people who talk too loudly.
[ ] I want people to think I'm a freak.
[ ] I never talk.
[ ] I can't wait to get off this earth.
[ ] I always sit by myself at lunch or anywhere else.
[ ] I listen to music on full blast on my ipod/mp3 player/headphones to block out the world.
[x] I don't know why I am the way I am.
[x] People have said I'm non-social.
[ ] I use drugs or alcohol to escape the loneliness.
[ ] Why bother when people don't like you anyways?
[x] I occupy myself so it won't look like I'm a loner.
[ ] I just don't get along with anyone.
Total: 9
Skater.
[x] I skateboard to everywhere.
[ ] If I'm not skateboarding, I carry it with me.
[ ] I shop at Pacsun.
[ ] I'm obsessed with Tony Hawk.
[ ] Oh yeah, and Bam Margera.
[ ] I always play skateboarding video games.
[x] I have shaggy hair.
[x] I wear baggy pants.
[x] I wear only skater shoes.
[x] I always wear hoodies.
[ ] I hang at skate parks 24/7.
[ ] I'm always learning new board tricks.
[ ] Forget school, I want to be a professional skateboarder.
[x] I've been skateboarding for over 4 years.
[ ] I hang with other skaters.
[x] I've been hurt while skateboarding.
[ ] I've been in a skateboarding competition.
[x] I wear vans.
[ ] Tony Hawks games own.
[ ] I've met some of my closest friends at skate parks.
Total: 8
Christian Girl/Boy
[ ] I go to church at least once a week.
[ ] Most of my wardrobe consists of long skirts and button down shirts for church.
[ ] I always carry a bible with me.
[ ] My whole family is very religious.
[ ] I've never been on a date.
[x] I've never smoked or had a beer.
[ ] My beliefs are very strong.
[/] I'm waiting until marriage to have sex. (eh, we're just waiting to wait really)
[ ] I wear a cross necklace.
[ ] I have a bracelet that says WWJD.
[ ] I'm always preaching to people about the importance of religion.
[] I believe in God.
[ ] I'm not allowed to watch rated R movies, and sometimes, not even PG-13 movies.
[x] I never go out and party.
[ ] I read the bible everyday.
[ ] I've memorized excerpts from the bible.
[] I go to Sunday school.
[ ] I've been to church camp.
[ ] I pray every night.
[ ] I sing Christian songs.
[ ] I'm an atheist.
Total: 2.5
Gangsta.
[] I say 'yo'.
[ ] I also say 'fo shizzle'.
[ ] I wear extremely baggy pants.
[ ] Mah chainz hang low.
[ ] I hang with my homies, biotches, and H**'s
[ ] I'm a thug.
[ ] I only listen to rap music.
[ ] 50 Cent is my idol.
[ ] I don't give a frick about school.
[ ] I steal/have stolen before.
[x] I freestyle.
[x] I breakdance.
[ ] Gold chainz is tha way to go, biotch.
[ ] I'm white but I act black.
[ ] All my heroes are dead rappers.
[ ] Tupac is still alive.
[ ] I party with all my ****.
[ ] I wear a sideways baseball cap.
[x] I wear hoodies.
[ ] I wear converse with the tongue flipped out.
Total: 3
Bully.
[ ] I always steal people's lunch money.
[ ] Geeks are afraid of me.
[ ] I get in trouble all the time.
[ ] I steal people's stuff to be an asshole.
[ ] People have called me a bully.
[x] I have beat someone up before.
[ ] I'm always looking for a fight.
[ ] I pick on people smaller than me.
[x] I push people out of the way when I'm walking.
[ ] I've never been in a relationship before.
[x] People are afraid of me.
[x] People know not to mess with me.
[x] I'm bigger than most people my age.
[ ] I pick on people for the fun of it.
[ ] I make fun of everything anyone else likes.
[ ] If anyone crosses my path, they're dead.
[ ] People know not to try and stick up for themselves when I'm around.
[ ] I'm one of the strongest kids in school.
[ ] Even some authority figures are afraid of me.
[x] People get out of my way when I'm walking.
Total: 6
Gamer.
[x] I own at least 2 different video game consoles. (try all of them)
[x] I love Final Fantasy.
[x] DDR & Guitar Hero
[x] I've missed school before because I was trying to beat a video game.
[x] I'm always trying to beat high scores on games.
[x] I even play a lot of computer games.
[x] I play at least 3 hours of video games a day.
[ ] My thumbs are sore often.
[ ] I spend all my money on new video games.
[ ] My boyfriend/girlfriend has to be into video games.
[] All I talk about is video games.
[x] I've been in a video game competition before
[ ] I pay over 30$ a month in online games.
[x] I have bought more than 5 accessories for my console
[x] I know about more than 10 cheats and mods in the game I play most
[x] I have played at least a complete week in the game I like most.
[x] I wouldn't know what to do in an afternoon without electricity.
[ ] My parents often tell the internet is broken or simply disconnect it so I don't spend whole weekends and holidays playing.
[x] I have more than one online account on the same game.
Total: 13
Girly.
[x] I have long hair
[ ] I wear make up everyday.
[] I carry a purse.
[ ] I have to get someone else to come kill a spider or any bug.
[] I paint my nails
[] I use perfume
[] I keep my nails clean/shaped
[x] I shower regularly
[x] I used to or still do Dance, Gymnastics, or Cheer/Pom (gymnastics)
[ ] I like to accessorize
[] I like flowers.
[ ] I don't like to be outdoors
[ ] I'm more like my mother than my father
[] I like hanging out with girls than boys.
[] I like going to the mall/shopping. (And buy books. and candles. and bug lollipops.)
[ ] I watch my weight/ count calories.
[] I plan outfits ahead of time
[] People say I have a soft/sweet voice
[x] I dream about and am already planning my wedding day
[ ] I watch dramatic shows on tv, soap operas, reality TV, etc[Bad Girls Club yo!!]
Total: 4
Boyish
[x] I have short hair.
[x] I hate doing laundry
[x] I like war type video games.
[x] I like playing or watching sports
[x] People say I have a deep voice
[ ] I'm more like my dad than my mom.
[x] I beat up or tease my younger siblings or friends.
[x] I act tough, it doesn't matter what's going on inside me.
[] There's only two emotions
[] I shower only when I start to notice I stink
[ ] I think about the opposite sex a lot.
[x] My room isn't neat.
[ ] I bite my nails instead of using scissors/clippers.
[x] My clothes don't match sometimes, but I don't notice or care
[x] I like to play rough with dogs
[x] I like the movies 300, The Dark Knight
[ ] The best way to get the opposite sex to like you is to act like a jerk.
[ ] I don't read
[x] I don't ask for help even if I need it.
Total: 12
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Shit
Sometimes, I'm not even sure what to think. People grow, and people change. No one is the same as they were when they were a child; no adult is the same as they were when they were a teenager. Sadly, though, many times, people take the wrong road and end up worse off than they were in their younger years. Some become addicted to drugs, alcohol, and even sex; none of which are a good path to..."achieve", per se.
It seems that the older I get, the younger the people who start. I've seen 5th and 6th graders pregnant in this town. Fifth and sixth graders. Eleven year old children. Pregnant. Often with boys or men several years older than them. And you know what? They go and get an abortion because - and I'm not kidding here - they believe it was the "only way to prevent having a child". Fuck no. Condoms and the pill are a hell of a lot cheaper than raising a child; as is the morning after pill. If you think you're running the risk of getting pregnant, use it. It's better than having to pay for a hospital bill or a child.
I am so sick and tired of people using abortion as birth control.
Yes, it can be used as a last-resort type of thing; but you should never use it as your main birth control.
You have cheaper alternatives: use them. Condoms cost 25 cents in many restrooms. Hell, gas stations sell them. You walk in, buy them, walk out. No one knows what you've done.
Even if I'm one of those people who believe that if you lack the maturity to buy condoms at a store, at a register, with a cashier there, then you aren't mature enough to be having sex.
Another thing I see running rampant? "Teenagers" (also known as 11-17-year-olds, in their minds) running around doing drugs. I know it's a 'normal' thing to experiment with drugs. I haven't done it, myself, but I understand that there are people who do so. The thing is, there's a difference between trying it one or two times, and doing it every time you're able to/getting addicted. A major difference.
If you do it? Alright, fine. However, spreading it all over your facebook - where people obviously are able to tell that it's you - is just going to get you into deep shit along the way somewhere. Especially if it's illegal for you to said drugs, be it age, or just lack of legality for drugs. I know so many people who do this, and it pisses me off to no end.
Same goes out to the girls who post naked/half-naked/provocative pictures of themselves on facebook. I do not want to see that shit. Cut it out, it's disgusting.
Eugh.
It seems that the older I get, the younger the people who start. I've seen 5th and 6th graders pregnant in this town. Fifth and sixth graders. Eleven year old children. Pregnant. Often with boys or men several years older than them. And you know what? They go and get an abortion because - and I'm not kidding here - they believe it was the "only way to prevent having a child". Fuck no. Condoms and the pill are a hell of a lot cheaper than raising a child; as is the morning after pill. If you think you're running the risk of getting pregnant, use it. It's better than having to pay for a hospital bill or a child.
I am so sick and tired of people using abortion as birth control.
Yes, it can be used as a last-resort type of thing; but you should never use it as your main birth control.
You have cheaper alternatives: use them. Condoms cost 25 cents in many restrooms. Hell, gas stations sell them. You walk in, buy them, walk out. No one knows what you've done.
Even if I'm one of those people who believe that if you lack the maturity to buy condoms at a store, at a register, with a cashier there, then you aren't mature enough to be having sex.
Another thing I see running rampant? "Teenagers" (also known as 11-17-year-olds, in their minds) running around doing drugs. I know it's a 'normal' thing to experiment with drugs. I haven't done it, myself, but I understand that there are people who do so. The thing is, there's a difference between trying it one or two times, and doing it every time you're able to/getting addicted. A major difference.
If you do it? Alright, fine. However, spreading it all over your facebook - where people obviously are able to tell that it's you - is just going to get you into deep shit along the way somewhere. Especially if it's illegal for you to said drugs, be it age, or just lack of legality for drugs. I know so many people who do this, and it pisses me off to no end.
Same goes out to the girls who post naked/half-naked/provocative pictures of themselves on facebook. I do not want to see that shit. Cut it out, it's disgusting.
Eugh.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
So, Mike left this morning.
I knew he would have to leave for home sooner or later, but...I was wishing it would be later. I haven't cried for so long in my life. I was only able to stop maybe an hour ago. It feels like I'm going to start again.
I feel horrible. Knowing that there's no one to give me a hug whenever I need one is a horrible feeling. Knowing it'll be a few months until I'm able to kiss him again is something that has hurt me each and every time he's had to leave, or I've had to leave; and because of him staying longer, it hurts more. Knowing that even though I can hear and see him but can't touch him hurts me too.
The pain is worth it. I'd rather be away from him for months at a time and then have weeks/months to spend with the most amazing man in the world rather than be with someone every day who's a total ass.
I love him more than anything and I hope he realizes that.
I've promised him he's my everything, he's my world, and my life; and I hope he knows I mean every bit of what I say to him.
I can't wait until I can be there with him all the time.
I feel horrible. Knowing that there's no one to give me a hug whenever I need one is a horrible feeling. Knowing it'll be a few months until I'm able to kiss him again is something that has hurt me each and every time he's had to leave, or I've had to leave; and because of him staying longer, it hurts more. Knowing that even though I can hear and see him but can't touch him hurts me too.
The pain is worth it. I'd rather be away from him for months at a time and then have weeks/months to spend with the most amazing man in the world rather than be with someone every day who's a total ass.
I love him more than anything and I hope he realizes that.
I've promised him he's my everything, he's my world, and my life; and I hope he knows I mean every bit of what I say to him.
I can't wait until I can be there with him all the time.
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