Groundhog's Day

Punxsy is cold.


The groundhog thing is a giant scam for tourism.






Punxsy is cold.

So

I've been basically spending the last few days sleeping and trying to get rid of this headache that it seems I've had for...a little over a week now. It comes and goes and it totally sucks. At least it's not a cluster headache; that much I'm thankful for.

Also, IBS, GERD, AR and all other sorts of lovely things that happen to be wrong with my digestive system seem to enjoy acting up recently. AR I can deal with, it's just...stomach acid...and although it hurts it's not nearly as painful or disrupting as IBS or GERD.

And my allergy to milk products and me wanting milk really, really badly because I haven't had it in over and year so I caved in and had some cereal and milk and all that jazz just means that I'm sitting in the bathroom for god knows how long and it is most certainly not enjoyable.

Plus, joints! Since I'm double-jointed and extremely flexible (to the point where it's probably at least a bit unhealthy), my joints sometimes ache. When I move, they pop. Then they get stiff again whenever I sit in the same position for a long amount of time - which is something school does not help with; it just makes the whole 'sitting' thing worse, jesus christ.

My back's been hurting very badly, as have my shoulders and hips. Yes, my hips. I need a hip massage.

...Okay, maybe not, since that sounds dirty.

I'm also sore! Hoo-rah, I don't even know how this happened.

To top it off, I happen to be developing a cold and I feel as if Mister Red Wave wants to visit early. Again. And he happens to be very heavy the last few months and it's uncomfortable. He also likes to be unpredictable.

And give me horrible cramps! Yay! Time for a Midol overdose.

My period just...jesus. I get horribly bitchy and snarky and sarcastic while I'm surfing the red wave. And really, I'm already bitchy, snarky and sarcastic while I'm not surfing the red wave. It just...seems to multiply it, I guess.

Thank goodness Boyfriend is here to help me deal with all of this. Thank god he can deal with it. Thank god he actually finds it somewhat funny whenever I'm snarky and sarcastic. Sometimes bitchy. I'm guessing it's because I'm never like that to him. Annnnd I won't ever be, so long as I can help it. Though I think he'd understand anyway. Because he's loving and understanding <3 :la:

Anyway. I'm starving.

Time to go be fat.

The MEH Goat and the Drunk Man

Once upon a time Best Friend and I decided we wanted to go to BearTown. BearTown is a place full of gigantic rocks that are sometimes covered in ferns and are fun to climb on, jump and run across, and generally do parkour and be idiots on.

Best Friend and I convinced my mom to drive us there - since we were like, 14 or 15 and couldn't drive ourselves. That's illegal.

The drive was all fine and dandy and whatnot, and as soon as Best Friend and I arrived, we commenced the whole 'acting like idiots' thing. Running around, jumping off big drops, and flailing helplessly through the air over gaps that were probably a bit too dangerous to jump across, but that we jumped across anyway.

Now, we were having a good time. Just...being idiots. It's what we tend to do best (other than singing and dancing, because our singing and dancing is just simply beautiful and everyone should love, appreciate, and worship it).

But then, as we were chilling out on this huge rock behind some green ferns - that for some reason I couldn't stop petting - there were a couple of kids that came along. Two boys, somewhere within the age range of 9-12. And they were looking for this girl...I think her name was 'Jessica' or something. I don't remember, I'll ask Best Friend later.

Anyways. They kept saying that they 'saw you hiding up there, Jessica' and Best Friend and I are like 'what the fuck who is Jessica' to each other. We then yell 'We're not Jessica' but those little boys insisted that we were damn well that we were Jessica and they were going to make sure that we knew our place. So we kept yelling and jumped to another rock (which was too far for their little legs to jump and would send them to a flailing, horrible end - even if they had somehow made it up to the rock where we were originally).

So we were like 'lol okay that's over' and continued to dick around. It isn't a very large park, but it's not extremely small. However, I knew where the hell I was going and I made sure to let Best Friend know this.

We got lost a few times.

At one point, we found this teenage guy (18 or 19) trying to climb onto a rock, and swearing at himself because he couldn't make it up, even though there were natural steps three feet away from him. I think he may have been drunk.

He was amazed when Best Friend and I were on top of the rock and he wasn't. Yes, Mister Drunk Man, we are wizards.

Eventually after a couple of hours out in the harsh wild we got tired of shenanigan-ing around on top of rocks, so we got back to the car and decided to go to an actual...park kind of area. There was a tower there, and though the sign clearly said no more than seven persons in the tower at a time there were probably around 20 or 25 teenagers crammed into the room at the top. Also, this tower was very near to a 50-100 foot drop off.

Best Friend and I decided it would be a great idea to go ahead and try to climb up there.

I chickened out because I'm a pussy because the tower was leaning. Guys it was...fucking leaning. I love towers and all that, but there's no way I'm going to climb one if it's on the edge of a huge drop off, is not very strong against wind (it was rattling and moving and kalsjfaskg), and there's about 3-4 times the amount of people allowed on the tower at once. No. Wasn't happening.

Best Friend went up most of the way, came back down and we sat in the middle of the woods away from a clearing. Best Friend then continued to yell, 'WE ARE THE QUEENS OF THE JUNGLE', to which I replied, 'Dude we may be married but I'm pretty sure we're not lesbians'. Best Friend then says, 'Says who?'. Best Friend is a butt and made me question life. I don't know why. But she's still a butt.

While there, we went down to the parking lot and found some huge stone in the ground. Which we proceeded to draw on, and make references to Monty Python.

I even drew a dead parrot.

However, we did need to leave and get something to eat, so we did so. We went to a place where we always went after going to BearTown, because they have delicious food. Also, animals. They have a petting zoo and I'm pretty sure that that's the main reason we ever started to go there in the first place.

Anyway, after eating, we decided to go out and have a look at the animals. Pet them, feed them, look at them and creep on them. All of that fun stuff.

So, we go into this area, and Best Friend had bought some corn from a machine to feed animals. She's trying to feed a small goat, and this fat goat keeps getting in the way, attempting to steal small goat's food. Best Friend wants to give small goat food, not big goat. So she scolds him. 'No, you're a butt, you don't get any food.'

The goat made a strange 'MEHHHH' sound, and spit on best friend. Big goat then proceeded to follow us around as much as possible, even though he was on the other side of the fence; the way it was set up, there was a fence on the side of the walkway to allow animals to roam more and for people to 'interact' with them better or more or something.

Big goat kept trying to get at Best Friend's corn. He kept 'meh'ing and just being a jerk. We called him and asshole and went to look at the fennec foxes and chinchillas. Because fennecs and chinchillas are two of the most adorable animals ever.

There was also a bear and some wolves, which we decided that we would escape with, riding. She'd take the bear, I'd surf the pack of wolves, and we'd scoop up chinchillas and fennecs (respectively) to serve as our fluffy minions and/or foot/lapwarmers.

While we were there, Best Friend made fun of the sloth.

She was also hit on by a parrot.

And that's how Best Friend and I stalked, back-talked and harassed all in one day, without being arrested.

Art Class (Again)

Hey guys, I'm in art class and I really shouldn't be doing this because I could get into trouble but oh well.

Here's my logo so far.

My company sells cakes.

Delicious cakes.

The game, the end.

Signs That I May Be Playing Too Much Minecraft

 #934: I have hallucinated that creepers and zombies were invading my room during a sleep paralysis 'session'. I was both confused and utterly terrified, because even though I knew it was not real, it felt like it.

#1843: I have walked into a dark room on multiple occasions, freaked out, and thought, oh I am so boned I didn't make any torches. Because apparently all darkness can be solved with torches.

#2946: I was doing a bit of yard work today after class, moving some rock around. All I could think about was how much easier it would be if I had a diamond pickaxe and a large backpack that apparently doesn't get heavy at all.

#3298: I have had dreams that are pretty much normal for me, but then I go into a small cave or room and it's completely dark, and even though there are perfectly functioning light fixtures, lamps, and even windows and it's perfectly light outside, I still somehow manage to flip out because I forgot my damned torches.

#62210: After getting out of the shower, I had to lean over the sink and freak out a bit because of a rogue eyelash that decided to go all rebel and thus go kamikaze all up in eye and it hurt very badly, so I had to get it out somehow. And I'm not too good at just digging an eyelash out - you're not supposed to rub your eyes to get one out anyway - so if I didn't look in a mirror I'd be sitting there scratching at my corneas for six or seven hours until it decided its deed was done and fucked right off.

Anyways. While hovering over the sink like a wizard I suddenly heard ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. My immediate thought? Creeper. And then it got louder, and I freaked out. Just SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS all up in my business and I continued to panic a little before realizing that I was leaning on the faucet. Thus turning it on, and running a bit of water, which created the sssss sound.

#440: Whenever looking at something, or just wandering around, I'll pick out a random hill, craggy area, building, or something to try and figure out how many blocks it would take to recreate it in Minecraft.

#8509: I will sometimes look at simple, common, household objects and think of how - if it were possible at all - I could recreate them in Minecraft.

#1. I simply play too much Minecraft.

I Was Once Chased By A Cow

Cows are relatively friendly animals. Growing up with my grandparents living across from a farm, this is something that I knew. However, I also learned what not to do:

Piss off a cow.

Cows aren't really pissed off easily, but somehow my retarded 9-year-old self had found a way to dick around enough to make a cow want to impale me and maul my corpse so that it no longer resembled a stab wound victim's body, but a giant mangled piece of what would appear to be couch fabric and old tarp.

I remember the day pretty clearly, actually. It was one of those pretty days where your parent(s)/guardian(s)/whatever told you (or was it just me?) to get off of your damn ass and go play outside. I don't know why, but for some reason I listened to my Grandfather more than I listened to my mom or Grandma. Maybe it's because he let me play with power tools whenever I would go out and 'play' but that is an entirely different story that I may or may not get into later.

Anyway, my grandparents' house was down a long driveway and they had a yard in front of the woods near the road, and also down by the house. So, basically, if we played up in that front-est front yard, we weren't able to be 'supervised' by my grandparents unless they walked up the driveway and stood there and watched us that way. Otherwise we were pretty much free to do whatever the hell we wanted.

'Whatever the hell we wanted' usually consisted of walking across the gravel road and staring at cows, sheep, and the dogs herding them.

One day, however, I decided that I was going to climb over the fence and walk around the field and look at the cows and play with the dogs. I had done this before, this adventuring, but never without an adult around. I figured I'd done it so many times that I'd be a pro at it, but this seemed to not be the case (just as you think a hooker would be a pro at sex, but you soon find out that that is not true).

Visual aid:

Note: not drawn to scale

 Might I add that this fence was electric? Yes. Electric.

Keep that in mind.

Well, I made it over the fence and was making my way across the field, being sure to avoid all those wonderful gifts that cows and other large animals seem to love leaving all over the place.

But soon, I saw it.

A baby cow. I knew I had to stay clear of it, so I walked about 15 feet from, and parallel to, the fence.

By now, the owner of the farm had come out of the one barn that they had, with his dogs, which both came running towards me. Yay, dogs! They finally had gotten to me and had tried to jump on top of me and knock me over, which they seemed to really like doing so that they could lay on me and sleep.

Anyway, the guy (whose name I cannot remember at this point in time, considering this was about 8 years ago) was yelling at me to stop. I was doing nothing. I was standing and petting dogs. What did he want me to stop? I did not know. So I stopped and stood still. 

He kept telling me to slowly get back over the fence. I must have looked at him with a completely retarded expression, because he started to yell at me to get over the fence. I, being a completely rational 9-year-old, had to ask, 'Why?'. I looked to my right, and baby cow had wandered over to me. Yay, baby cow! 

However, baby cow being near me was most definitely not a good thing. Especially when it started to make adorable mooing noises and trying to lick me.

Because apparently any and all moos made by baby cow = mommy cow comes to the rescue.

And Mommy Cow certainly came to the rescue.

Now, seeing a cow in a rage is something that most people would laugh at. Hell, it's something I laugh at whenever I see it, but actually having said raging cow chasing after you is not funny. It is scary and pants-shittingly terrifying.

There is only one thing going through the mind of a cow, and that is maim. Sometimes kill, but mostly maim.

That cow was going to try to do those horrible, horrible things to me.

So, of course, like a smart little child, I tried to bolt for the fence.

I didn't quite make it.

As I attempted to climb the fence, I thought I was home free. But no. As soon as my little feet gripped hold of the rubber climbing apparatuses that were/are used for climbing over electrical fences without having the climber be electrocuted, the cow headbutted me. Right on the ass. And god damn it, it hurt like hell.

Of course I could have just thrown up my hands and landed on the ground safely, but no. In an attempt to save my face, instead of throwing my hands in front of me, I lashed them out behind me, grabbing onto a barbed, electrical fence, which sent a massive shock through my body. I remember nothing but being woken up after that and walking back to my grandparents' house, and eating spaghetti.

And that's how I got mauled by a cow and electrocuted all within one day.

Have Some Dogs

Hey, guys. I was actually going to try and do something - 'do something' as in 'write a long blog post with actual context and stories and shit' but then I realized I have a headache, I'm tired, and I'd much rather spam you with pictures of dogs. Shitty dogs. Dogs I will spend no more than probably a minute or so drawing.

So here you go.

Well, that's one.

I give up. I promise I'll write something worth reading at some point tonight.