You know, since...well...I'm kinda just sitting here at this point and I really need something to distract me, or really just...keep me busy, I guess, so I'm going to do my very best to type out 100 things about me; what I'm like, what my thoughts are, what I love, hate, and just...general things, I guess. Things people may have known, or not. Things that may seem totally 'bawww-y' and heavy stuff. So I apologize in advance if things are retarded, stupid, TMI or just...unpleasant.
So, here goes.
1. Sometimes, I'll feel like I don't deserve what I have, especially my friends, and Boyfriend. I'll feel like I'm only a burden to them and that I'm only bringing them down.
2. I try too hard sometimes. Way too hard.
3. A lot of the time, I come off as a huge dick, because I don't always think about what I say, before I say it.
4. I'm incredibly snarky and sarcastic, and sometimes hurt people because of that; all because I don't know how to make it obvious that I'm joking. Again, I come off as a huge dick.
5. Unless I'm told otherwise by people, I feel, well, worthless; however, that is only whenever Boyfriend isn't around for me to talk to.
6. Friends make me feel loved, yes, but Boyfriend is the only one that can cheer me up with a single message, even if I don't show it.
7. I used to be really, really incredibly awkward about PDA, but Boyfriend helped me defeat that feeling the first time we were out in public...a theme park - Hershey Park.
8. I feel as if I talk about certain subjects way too much; however, there are very few things I'm interested in enough or know enough about to hold a conversation, so many of my 'friendships' either don't get that close, or usually fail.
9. I'm a grammar nazi.
10. Despite what people may think, I'm not an emotionless bastard. I don't cry over everything, but I also don't let things whiz by without a second thought.
11. There have been nights where I've cried nonstop and gone to school the next day without any sleep.
12. I have severe insomnia on occasion, so there's often times where I go on only a few hours sleep for a couple of days, or go on with none for maybe two or three, until I pass out from exhaustion.
13. I have never really said 'I love you' to anyone before Boyfriend without meaning it with all of my heart and soul. That sounds sappy, but...
14. Mike is my everything, and always will be.
15. There are times when I think that everyone except Boyfriend is mad at me, no matter what anyone says.
16. In all of my past relationships, I was cheated on, ignored, etc. until they got 'tired' of me and threw me away. And despite all of those things, I moved on.
17. I've found someone who says he will never let me go...and I believe him.
18. People saying that you 'can't find someone through the internet' kinda disappoint me in a way. I can't say how or why, but I'm just all 'okay'.
19. I once had a friend that believed because we were best friends that we were 'dating'. Needless to say, her 'ex' (as in, who had just broken up with her days before) girlfriend got pissy and threatened to kill herself unless she got her 'gf' back. And I was like, lolwat.
20. I'm actually quite terrified of having to go to the gynecologist. No one should ever see that place unless it's Boyfriend in the future, or it's an emergency. I guess I'm more afraid of having a guy gyno than a female.
21. I tend to swear a lot, even though I don't mean to. It just...happens.
22. I'm a huge pervert at times, always pointing out what could be resembling anything sexual at all in any way. Also, 'that's what he/she said' jokes abound.
23. People who say 'I miss my friend but can't say hi' disappoint me to a certain extent, too. You can't say hi? What are you, mute? Just walk up to them and say hi. If they don't respond, say it again, or just leave them alone and try again later. Who knows? They may just be busy, especially if they're working on something.
24. Sometimes I get into moods and will write for hours, only to delete and/or throw away poems, stories, etc. because I feel like they're too 'revealing', in a sense.
25. When I'm happy, I may actually come off as sad, which really hurts me, because I don't want people feeling like I'm sad and that they can't help when they do help.
26. I absolutely hate my voice and laugh. I know that your voice sounds different to other people than it does to you, but really.
27. I don't always tell people how much they mean to me, because I'm really bad at doing so, except for with Boyfriend; but rest assured, I love you. If you're my friend, I love you, and thank you.
28. People who call anyone who has any love for animals at all, or who has ever dressed like or drawn and animal before a 'furry' ruffle my feathers, so to speak. If you're going to label someone, do it right.
29. Sometimes I'll cry whenever I'm happy. However, I'm not sure if people believe me whenever I tell them it's because I'm happy, not sad.
30. Whenever I hear to a song that I used to listen to a lot (either wanted or not) as a younger kid, or as a kid in general, I'll sometimes get sad or teary because I miss being a kid and not having to worry so much.
31. Unlike most teenagers, I want to have kids at some point.
32. I'm always scared I'm going to do or say something stupid and lose one or more of my friends.
33. I hate arguing with my friends over stupid things that don't really matter, but because of my more competitive kinda nature, I don't tend to drop things easily, which makes me feel like an ass.
34. Sometimes, I feel like I'm legitimately not wanted by my family. Sounds like a stereotypical teenage thing, but after having two fathers leave me as a small child, and both of them being abusive, along with a mother who normally doesn't speak to me unless it's important to her or she needs something done, then, well, yeah.
35. I can honestly say I no longer have a brother; unless he decides to stop being a 'rebel' and all that shit, he's pretty much dead to me, especially since he's a douche who only wants to pick fights with people.
36. Whenever I'm sick, I want to fight things out; I hate taking medication because it upsets my stomach.
37. I have dreams that make me wonder about the sanity of my psyche.
38. I'm scared that I won't be able to make it on my own in life.
39. I want to be a teacher, and an illustrator. However, I have no idea what I want to do for sure, because I'd also enjoy being a mental therapist, or an engineer.
40. I have a bunch of self-esteem and self-image issues. I often think I'm fat.
41. Guilty of playing The Game.
42. Guilty of using memes in the real world.
43. Guilty of disliking brownies to a certain extent because of the moist richness. I have a weird gag reflex with everything but brownies and cake make it horribly bad. herp redundancy
44. Whenever someone's upset, I feel like it's my fault.
45. If someone close to me gets sad, I get scared. I'm not entirely sure why.
46. Whenever I got my period, my mom didn't know for a few months, because I never told her, and I had my own bathroom; she never checked the cans.
47. I love zombies. If I could acquire a pet zombie, I'd do it. As long as it didn't bite.
48. I am very prone to panic attacks, especially whenever I'm in a hospital. Kind of ironic.
49. I get angry whenever someone makes an announcement 'I'm grounded' or something and then complains about it. You did something wrong, and you got caught. Do you expect to be rewarded? No, fuck you. You got what you deserve.
50. I support homosexual marriage and rights.
51. I am a feminist, but not a feminazi. That's insane. Everyone should have equal rights, in my eyes; at least adults.
52. I love the smell of coffee, but I don't enjoy the taste. However, I don't mind black coffee very much (but it hates me).
53. I love the smell of cigars, but have never smoked; don't plan to anyway. I need money for vidya gaems, computer, and more importantly, boyfriend.
54. I find it odd when people claim to 'love all animals equally' and then claim to be a 'dog person' or a 'cat person', or say how ugly some animal is and that they hate it. Bitch, please. You don't love all animals equally.
55. On that last point, I'm neither a cat or a dog person. I've always wanted a malamute or a corgi - malamutes are BEAUTIFUL dogs and corgis are just ridiculously adorable - but Boyfriend and I have settled on a tortoiseshell kitty. Kitty! Woo!
56. Calico, tuxedo, and tortoiseshell are my favorite breeds of cats.
57. Friends are my favorite breed of people
58. I'm guilty of telling stupid jokes. Often.
59. I'm just a glistening ray of sunshine and I shit rainbows and vomit glitter. So, I guess I'm Ke$ha, I just can't sing or dance and I'm not famous at all anymore. OH WELL I'M FINE WITH THAT
60. I can sleep anywhere. Anywhere. Having moved from the middle of the city to the middle of nowhere, and having a wide array of couches, floors, and beds during that time, I can sleep anywhere from a concrete floor listening to people outside yelling and the traffic going BEEP BEEP, to the middle of the forest in complete silence.
61. I get sad whenever I'm talking to someone and they take forever to reply, or reply with 'oh' or something because I automatically think Oh no, I'm bothering them, they hate me now and always always always will forever.
62. Whenever I see flashing/strobing lights, I hear sounds. They make pretty music sometimes. I like pretty music.
63. I'm horribly terrified of my grandmother's driving.
64. Whenever someone says something along the lines of 'I'm blind as a bat' I have to step in and say bitch, bats aren't blind mothafucka get your facts straight and then I look like a douche.
65. I believe that all people who speak English as their first language and butcher it horribly need to have their breeding licenses revoked.
66. I wish there was such a thing as a breeding license.
67. Yes, I have IBS, but that doesn't mean you should try and piss me off to make me sick. That doesn't mean you stress me out to make me sick. Yes, stressing me out makes me ill, but you trying to do so is just...stupid. Stop it. Stop it.
68. No, you don't wish you had cluster headaches. They're painful as fuck and they're nothing like a normal migraine, so fuck off. It's not fun.
69. I do really bad photosherps in my spare time. I find them hilarious.
