ALRIGHT, NEXT SEMESTER STAFF
Gailfrancis and Parallelless, I'm looking at you two
If you two act anything like how 95% of the current staff is I'm going to beat you with bags of onions and throw you into a giant vat of cake mix
In all seriousness, though, I understand that people can have late items if you've been out of school for a few days, but your articles should not be over three days late if you've been in school since we drafted for writing. Then again, you're probably too busy playing games on your laptop during classes and studyhalls instead of, y'know, actually writing for the paper. A day late? Alright, that's usually not too bad, but when your article is due on a Friday, and you don't even hand it in the next Monday, I want to punch you in the mouth so hard your teeth will tear your asshole, along with a couple of new ones.
Don't try and force religious views down on people through The Shadow. That's not how it works, and the fact that a lot of people on the staff are like "LOL YEAH LET'S RUN IT" makes me lose even more respect for you and them.
Same with controversial subjects. Please don't force your views on gay rights, abortion, etc. through the paper. We've talked about this. Don't be biased. You're writing a news article, not an editorial. Even if you were writing an editorial, your language and blatant bashing of those who are pro-choice and for gay rights is absolutely disgusting and shouldn't be printed in the (school) paper.
Regarding the fundraisers, we had well over three weeks to sell as much as we could. There were 60 jerky sticks we had to sell, and 52 (maybe 54?) fruit snacks. And kids eat that shit up in our school. Don't tell me (and more importantly, our supervisor) that you couldn't sell them all. I sold out of my first box of fruit snacks in under a week, and the second one about 7 school days later...and I wasn't even approaching people. I also sold out of jerky before the three weeks was up. How did you manage to sell less than 10 of each item? I know for a fact most of you left the jerky in your locker. Please don't tell me you didn't; I can tell you're lying. :I
Along with all of that, please proofread your shit before you turn it in. Not only am I a proofreader, I am the main photo editor (and the only one who knows what they're doing, apparently), I run the website for the paper, and I have my own articles to write. I don't want to have to go through your articles and make the font the right font (we use Bookman Old Style, not Papyrus or Times New Roman), the right size (16 for header, 10 for byline and body, "by" is not capitalized, there is no colon between "by" and your name, and the byline is in bold, we only went over this 1,000 times with our supervisor), and I don't want to have to justify it. I also don't want to have to correct your quite obvious grammar blunders, and I definitely am not happy having to correct spelling on words such as "school". I do not want to have to put periods on the ends of sentences, or stick in some commas so that your sentences do not turn even the most large-lunged man into a crippled, gasping mess on the floor by the time someone is finished reading them aloud. You are seniors. I should not have to do this.
To everyone who bitches about other people getting their work done, when they haven't gotten their own work done: stop trying to get other people to work and do your own damn work. You're holding up both you AND the person you're getting angry at. Finish your work, and then bother them. Checking up on them? Okay, but don't stand there for ten minutes going "omg lyk u rly need 2 finish dis".
Oh, and "photo editing" staff? If you're not aware of how to photoshop an image for the paper, please ask me instead of doing what you think is right. 100% of the time so far, your "I think this is right" images are darker than the original image and I have to re-photoshop them anyway. I know I can be mean sometimes when dealing with this sort of thing, but I'm only mean because you're doing your jobs badly. We went over how to photoshop the images correctly many times when we first got our positions. I am also the head photo editor. I am here for you to ask me questions on photo editing. Please do so, instead of creating more work for me and you. I would rather take the 5 minutes to explain/show you how to do the correct photo editing than have you do it completely wrong and me have to fix it while being pissy with you, wasting everyone's time.
And for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, use an actual fucking camera to take pictures for the paper. We have a camera. I have a camera. STOP USING PHOTOBOOTH. STOP USING YOUR SHITTY PHONE AS A CAMERA.It makes me want to rip out your eyes and pour salt in your sockets. No, but really. It looks really fucking bad. It looks unprofessional. Prior to popular belief, I can't make shitty, blurry pictures into artful masterpieces in photoshop. And you guys are the ones who were bitching about the paper looking bad whenever it came out the last two times.
If only the third time really was the charm. But, y'know, as soon as this shit comes out on the 21st, when we do a commendations and recommendations of the paper, all of you are going to be bawwwing about how "bad" certain stuff was. Well, you know what, cupcakes? It's your own damn fault you aren't willing to put work into the paper. That's why it comes out "bad". Am I (and maybe one or two other people on our 10-people staff) the only one actually putting a good amount of work into this? Am I the only one taking this shit seriously?
Along with the whole "use actual cameras" thing, try your best to not blur the fuck out of the pictures. If you do blur it, retake it; it's always obvious on the preview of the camera when it's blurry, so don't tell me it isn't or that you didn't know...when there is someone's face blurring across the picture.
How I have not completely flipped my shit on any of you is absolutely mind-boggling. Maybe I'm holding onto the hopes that you'll learn and get better, but considering neither of those seemed to have happened, I think I might just flip some tables tomorrow if any of this happens again. Mondays are already bad for everyone. Don't make it worse for us, please. This pisses me off, and my medication is supposed to prevent me from snapping again. PLEASE, just do your work so I don't snap. I don't want to snap. It's bad for me, and it's bad for you. It might hurt your "feelings", but for me, it's a legitimate health problem. So, please. I've asked before.
Oh, and guys? The paper is not free to print. It costs us money to print it, so stop just taking it. Stop thinking you're allowed one for free. I don't care that you wrote stuff in it; I did too, and I'm paying for mine. It's fifty cents. I'm pretty sure most of you can manage that; you certainly blow off more than that on snack foods from the snack shack every day. And you know, if you don't have money but want to read it, ask someone on the staff. They'll let you borrow theirs, or they'll get you one. tl;dr for that part stop stealing The Shadow we need that money to print it
tl;dr for the entire thing - The people on the newspaper staff at my school are, for the most part, lazy and do things wrong all the time (even when we've gone over it many times) so I'm bitching on the internet about it instead of beating their heads in (even though I would like to most days)
Now I'll probably sound like a shitty person or OMG SO MEEN, but trust me, you guys, you don't want to work with these people. I don't dislike them, but I dislike what they do. A few of them, I like. However, that does not excuse what they've done. Just because I am on good terms with you does not mean you can get away with doing nothing without me getting upset. People, oh my god. :1 This isn't even all of it. I wish I could totally go off but there will always be something I forget.
I'm not the managing editor.
Please don't turn me into the honorary one.
Alright, wow, this turned out really fucking long.
