Friday, March 21, 2014

MAH KIDS ARE IN MAH CAR!!! MAH KIDS!!!

[warning: LOTS OF SWEARING and text]

Okay so for those of you who don't know, I work in retail. You will hear stories from anyone who's worked retail for any significant length of time about "crazies". This is one of those stories.

For a while I was an assistant store manager, but when I switched stores, instead opted for being a cashier, instead (injury makes it hard for me to be on my feet for so many hours a week, which is already pretty bad just as a register jockey, but I digress). I have caught many shoplifters, both in my old store and new, but never once have I had such an interesting...experience with one. 

Tonight around 7:30PM, I was getting ready to go on my lunch break -- my normal time for when I'm working with the ASM, CJ. But then this lady walks in. The sign is up on my side saying I'm closed, I had my lunch bag in my hand about ready to clock out, and CJ says "Hey...mind ringing this lady up for me? Shit, have you clocked out?" To which I replied, "Nah dude, it's cool, I haven't clocked out yet so I'll ring her up for you"...and proceed to ring up the lady at the checkout while CJ goes and does whatever he needs to do (I didn't realize what was going on at this point).

After the customer leaves, CJ comes up to me and tells me that a known shoplifter is in the store. I ask who. He basically says "that short, fatter woman with the blonde hair that fills up the carts with shit and hides empty packages in it". I...knew exactly who he was talking about. Soooo...I don't go off to lunch; instead, I pace back and forth at the register area trying my best to keep an eye on this lady.

Backstory needed: In January, she came in on a night that CJ and I were working together. Kinda busy, but nothing super out of the ordinary -- just busy enough to keep us walking back and forth to the registers all night and unable to tend to any other task for more than a minute at a time. Anywho. Lady comes in, gets a cart, starts pushing it around -- nothing weird just yet. Until she starts piling a bunch of shit in it that...seems to not go together at all? Like...who buys 15 sticks of chapstick and seven different bras that are different sizes completely? She's still in the store for over an hour and while CJ and I are doing our best to keep our eye on her (because we're rightly suspicious), we just can't give all of our time to one person who we think is stealing and completely ignore the other customers in the store who are paying, loyal, and need help (basically it's better to lose like $30 to a shoplifter rather than lose a customer because they had to wait, essentially). So we kind of put it in the back of our minds and leave a mental note to check up on her after the rush dies down.

Well, rush dies down, and apparently while we were busy she managed to sneak out the doors with a shitload of merchandise (which we didn't quite realize at the time). We did a floor sweep of the store and I hear CJ go, "are you FUCKING serious" from a few aisles down. I reply, "wat". He tells me to "come look at what I [he] found". I head over and there's a cart overfilled. Bras, panties, shorts, socks, shirts, baby things, several packages of miscellaneous items, and like 20 packages of Midol...out of these things, several were opened and a few more were completely missing. Gone. Stolen. We were rightfully pissed.

Second time she came in is when CJ and another one of our cashiers were working and he was trying to keep an eye on her -- she eventually left her cart, again full of shit, having stolen like a few small things and leaving the packaging for some reason (which she tried to peel the anti-theft stickers off of).

ANYWHO.

She decides to come in tonight. First thing she does is grab a cart and go into the first aisle of the store (which includes the front right corner of the store). There's a round mirror orb in that corner and I'm on the opposite side of the shelving making noise and watching her to see if she reacts. Nope. Nada. Nothin'. CJ is in the process of "calling" Chuck (store manager, huge guy), saying he "left his keys here and needs to pick them up" (after really just texting him explaining the situation". We were playing along, being all "Haha well Chuck needs to come get his keys, if we forgot keys we'd be yelled at hahahahah", that kind of thing, while watching her from two angles. After a while, I see her start to turn the corner into the "open" side that I was on -- I immediately walk up, stare her dead in the face (with eye contact -- unbreaking) and fix some of the socks that were messed up. She quickly backs up and turns back around into the aisle she had been in. At this point, I thought to myself, "Surely she must know that I know what she's doing?" Well, either she was fucking stupid or overly confident/ballsy, because she kept rummaging around and throwing shit in her cart. 

I wind up having to help another customer, seeing as I was active cashier, while CJ continues watching Ms. Stealypants. I check a few people out, look up, Chuck's there (it's about 7:45-7:50 at this point). Lady isn't in the corner anymore -- CJ followed her to the clothing section a few "aisles" down. A little old woman comes up to my register and I start ringing up her little mints and teas and a few other small things she got. CJ walks behind her towards the front of the store -- we make eye contact and the look on our faces are a mixture of "AWWW YISS LMAO" and "oh fuck something's gonna happen, isn't it" -- as I hear Chuck going "EXCUSE ME, MA'AM" to the woman shoplifting.

Little old lady was in the process of paying. Suddenly, short blonde woman runs and I hear Chuck yelling "LOCK THE DOORS, CJ, LOCK THE DOORS". CJ runs and locks the doors. Little old lady had paid and gotten her receipt. Was standing there super confused. Chuck was standing in front of the "In" door, CJ in front of the "Out". Chuck is saying "MA'AM, you are being detained legally and without force" (because this was all on video that Chuck catches around the store via cameras he installed himself). Blonde shoplifter lady was screaming shit like, "MAH KIDS ARE IN THE CAR. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAAAND. MAH KIIIIDS ARE IN MAH CAR!" and "I HAD MONEY TO PAY FOR THIS!!!! I HAD MONEY!!!", etc. etc., talking about how she's going to sue the company...for what, being caught shoplifting and throwing a massive hissy fit? Lmao. She's suddenly worried about her supposed "kids" that she left in the car for like 20 minutes so she could shoplift? Yeeeeah, sure, honey -- but I'm not buying that one. Anyway -- little old lady is looking at me super confused and I just say, "I'm really sorry. It'll only be a minute." I walk around the counter and stand in front of the woman because at this point, shoplifter lady was swinging fists and screaming and I'd rather get pushed over or hit than have a little 85 year old lady hurt by this hooligan.

And...all of a sudden...she starts taking swings at me. Not hitting me -- just swinging her fists in my direction. Saying things like "I'LL HIT YOU!!! I WILL!! I'M GONNA!!! I WILL!!!!" and I just start egging her on, "Go ahead mate". Completely calm. Standing there like, okay, I don't give a fuck and if you hit me I'm going to sue the shit right outta your ass because I do not get paid enough to deal with your bullshit. She starts getting closer, and closer, continuing the "I'M GONNA HIT YOU!!! I WILL!!!!" screaming insults. So I do the only thing I can think of in that moment -- put my fists up and bellow "FUCKING DO IT THEN" about two inches from her face. She wails. Turns around. Runs for the door -- which CJ is still in front of -- and starts trying to claw her way out. Scratching CJ to hell. I reach for my pepperspray (which I normally carry)...yell all you want, make insults all you want, but as soon as you fucking touch me or my coworkers I swear to God I will fuck you up. I hardly have time to grab it out of my pocket before Chuck just goes, "Fine, let her go". CJ backs off, stupid woman runs out the door to her (surprisingly nice) car, hops in. Entire time she's swearing, saying she's gonna hurt us, etc. etc., that SHE'LL BE BACK!!! and she'll HIT US!! and yadda yadda yadda empty threats yadda yadda. All three of us run out the doors and get her license plate number.

A few customers from earlier happened to be in the parking lot sitting in their cars, talking to one another with their doors open...so...they saw and heard everything. Lady's screaming at me and CJ and we're standing there like "YOU WON'T DO SHIT". Customers are cheering. We are fuming. We get her license plate number and she fucking busts ass and peels rubber out of the parking lot, nearly hitting the edge of the bridge (which def. would have fucked her car up big time). She swerves all over the road, then she's gone. Meanwhile I'm just going, "Woooow biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiihiiiitch," and half flipping her off as she drives away. I walk back inside, swearing and saying shit like "This is the SECOND fucking time I've been in here when she's done this shit, I am fucking DONE", etc. etc. CJ and Chuck are like "yeah I hear ya" and stay outside, as Chuck's in the middle of calling the cops.

Little old woman is still standing by my counter and looks at me and asks "...is it okay? Can I leave?" and I'm just like...omg I'm so sorry. You just had to witness me and my coworkers wrangle an angry troll. Holy shit I'm so sorry. And I apologize and she's just like "oh honey it's okay", being really sweet. I hold the door for her, she leaves, CJ and Chuck come back in. Cops are on their way. Customers from the car come up and are like "do you need someone to stay? for a witness? Anything?" and Chuck tells them no -- they're just filing a report, and we have cameras and the customers are a regular so in the case we do need to get ahold of them for a statement then it's easy enough to get in contact. So they leave after asking if he's sure like 5 or 6 times.

Chuck tells me to clock out for lunch, so I do. Grab my baggy of lunch and head back to the stock room (it's about 7:50 now). I can hardly eat. Wind up texting a few people being like "I don't even understand what the fuck just happened, and I was directly involved". Managed to down some things, but went back up to the front because I forgot my drink. Happen to be up there at just the right moment -- CJ had found her purse in the cart of shit that she was sifting through, adding more and more merch to. He takes it out to the cops and I'm standing there thinking, "Is this happening? Is this actually happening?" before laughing a bit to myself and going back to the back to finish my lunch.

Plates were run. Came back to her mother's name -- her mom's car, then. Found a Sam's Club membership card in her purse...same last name. Alright, so we know who it is, then. Stupid lady had shoved a can of foot spray in her purse...but forgot to take it with her when she suddenly forgot HER KIYADS!!! were in the car outside for like 30 minutes. 

Cops took the footage from January when she first was stealing, and the footage of the incident after that. We're gonna get her for everything.

I would have loved to see the look on her face when a) she realized she forgot her purse with a card with her name on it in the store and b) she's caught.

We're thinking she has a drug problem. She's constantly hanging out with the dudes who sell drugs around town and she's probably stealing things in order to resell it or give to people in order to get more drugs. It's sad, yeah, but really irritating at the same time.

It's hilarious in hindsight but...damn. It's like my anxiety took a back seat for this one. I guess I was so tired of being treated like shit by customers that I just let loose -- and...honestly, it's about fucking time. After being harassed because I wouldn't open my drawer to give change (I actually can't without an override and EMERGENCIES ONLY), and being creeped on by a guy who I guess thought I was interested and that androgynous dudes are hot (spoiler: I'm not, I'm engaged, and WOW that was uncomfortable) even when I told him to fuck off, I had a bit of an issue with holding back more anger. It's like my rage spill container overflowed and just seeped out of everything. It's all over the floor. Oh no. What a mess.

EDIT: The things that I noticed in her cart were as follows:
- Like four or five lamps
- About 20 packs of Midol
- Several pairs of socks
- 10 or so pairs of bras and underwear
- A bunch of other, random medicines
- Like all of the chapstick that we had had on the shelf
- Some shirts
- Some purses
- Foot care items
- Six or seven pairs of shoes
Annnnd even more.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

idk what this is

A - available: No - age: 20 - annoyance: Customers, children, the sound of coughing, eating, or crunching - allergic: Lactose, gluten, some other shit - animal: Cat - actor: Ehhh idk B - beer: Nah - birthday/birthplace: Jan 5, 1994 - best friend: Jade is my waifu 5ever but recently I've been talking to Sam most - body part on opposite sex: Eyes - best feeling in the world: Happiness - blind or deaf: Neither - best weather: Thunderstorm with heavy rain, or a heavy snowstorm. Either, really. Both are eerie and calming. It's one reason I miss the house that I mainly grew up in -- there was a huge bay window in the loft that viewed out over forest and countryside out past our street. We were the only house you could see. You could watch the snow fall gently and heavily, covering up all imperfections of the earth. - been in love: Currently am - been sold out?: wat - been on stage?: Yeah - believe in yourself?: Not particularly -- but the thing is, I try. - believe in life on other planets: We're either completely alone or we aren't. So, yeah? I feel like it's possible. - believe in miracles: you sexy thang - believe in magic: in a young girl's heart - believe in god: No. - believe in satan: No. - believe in santa: No. - believe in ghosts/spirits: Considering I've seen "ghosts" many times throughout my life, then...yeah? - believe in evolution: Evolution is pretty much proven? Like -- I don't know how anyone can be like EVOLUTION IS WRONG c - car: 1997 Toyota Camry - candy: JOLLY RANCHERS AND LEMONHEADS - colour: Purples and blues, or orange - cried in school: Eh, a few times - chocolate/vanilla: Vanilla - chinese/mexican: I heavily prefer Mexican food - cake or pie: Pie - countries to visit: Sweden, Britain, Germany, Russia, Poland, Japan D - day or night: Night - dream vehicle: 1967 Chevy Impala - danced: The only thing I was ever good at was breakdancing. - dance in the rain?: No - dance in the middle of the street?: No - do the splits?: Done it before E - eyes: Heterochromia -- green, silver, blue - everyone has: Skin - ever failed a class?: Yes, fuck 9th grade advanced algebra. Failed by half a percentage. Fucking fuck F - first crush: jfc no - full name: Eskil Nikolas Youdon'tgetalastname - first thoughts waking up: what day is it/what time is it - food: FRENCH FRIES G - greatest fear: Going blind, deaf, losing limbs - giver or taker: I'm too much of a giver and am always taken advantage of. It's something I'm trying to change about myself. - goals: Rid myself of the people who are poisoning me. - gum: I don't chew gum. - get along with your parents?: Yeah. I don't live with either of them so I don't ever fight with them. - good luck charms: None H - hair colour: Dark brown - height: 5'10"-11"? - happy: Eh - holidays: I fucking love Thanksgiving - how do you want to die: Quietly in my sleep, or doing something I love. Without pain, preferably. Something instant. - health freak?: Eh, not really. - hate: People who think they can use you and treat you like shit who then expect to be treated like royalty. Liars. I (in guys/girls) - eye colour: Green, blue, grey - hair colour: Brown - height: I prefer men my height or taller. I prefer women smaller than me because I am a dude and a dude being shorter than his girlfriend is awkward to me. - clothing style: As long as you aren't shoving yourself into shit four sizes too small, I don't care all too much. Though I'm not a fan of clothing that shows off cleavage, stomach, etc. Nothing too showy. Keep it covered and I'll respect you more. Sounds terrible but...eh. - characteristics: Kind. Forgiving. Understanding. Willing to accept criticism. Willing to work harder. Willing to fix things. - instrument: ???? who fucking cares seriously J - jewelry: Nah - job: Currently: retail worker. Wanted to be: airforce pilot or soldier in the army (couldn't because of health reasons! Hooray!) Currently want to be: Illustrator, writer K - kids: Can't have them. - kickboxing or karate: I know both - keep a journal?: No I - longest car ride: We stopped for a rest and everything but -- somewhere in the span of 20-30 hours? We regularly drove from Virginia to Mississippi and we drove to Florida once - love: Mike - letter: No - laughed so hard you cried: Yeah, sometimes - love at first sight: Nah M - milk flavour: Strawberry or Vanilla - movie: idk - mooned anyone?: no - marriage: Currently "unofficially" engaged - motion sickness?: yes - mcd's or bk: McDonald's. The only thing that could rival my love for the McChicken and large fries and pie would have been BK's chicken fries, but they discontinued them long ago. Fuck you, BK. Bring the damn things back. N - number of siblings: 2/3? - number of piercings: 0 - number: 3 O - overused phrases: what the fuck - one wish: To get over my anxiety - one phobia: :'I P - place you'd like to live: Sweden, or in a small house in England - pepsi/coke: Coke Q - quail: coo coo R - reason to cry: Anxiety, depression - reality t.v.: No - radio station: I don't listen to the radio - roll your tongue in a circle?: ok S - song: - shoe size: 10? I think? - sushi: eh - skipped school: yes - slept outside: yes - seen a dead body?: yes - smoked?: no - skinny dipped?: no - shower daily?: yes - sing well?: with some songs - in the shower?: guilty - swear?: a lot, honestly - stuffed animals?: yeees - single/group dates: single - strawberries/blueberries: strawberries - scientists need to invent: I dont' fucking know T - time for bed: whenever I feel like going to bed - thunderstorms: pls - touch your tongue to your nose?: yep U - unpredictable: idk - under the influence?: no - understanding?: yes V - vegetable you hate: sprouts - vegetable you love: peas, corn, potatoes/sweet potatoes if they count - vacation spot: idk W - weakness: anxiety - when you grow up: I am "grown up" and I fucking hate it - which one of your friends acts the most like you: Jade - who makes you laugh the most: Mike - worst feeling: being alone. - wanted to be a model?: no - worst weather: hot, humid - walk with a book on your head?: yes X - x-rays: eh Y -year it is now: 2014 -yellow: okay Z - zoo animal: idk - zodiac sign: Capricorn

Monday, March 3, 2014

I am 6% girly

Girly Quiz [ ] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish [ ] You own a designer purse [ ] You own perfume that cost over $60 [ ] You had/have fake nails [ ] You have more hair products and body products than you can use [ ] Your pet is a Chihuahua/Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier/Siamese/Shih Tzu/ mini anything [ ] You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet [ ] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp [ ] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper [ ] A pink comforter, carpeting, walls or sheets Total: 0 Do you: [ ] Spend more time at the mall than you do at home/work [ ] Have had a hair color that is not natural [ ] Have "blonde moments" at least once a day [x] Buy stuff because it's awesome and then never wear/use it [ ] Constantly keep your phone at your side 'for emergencies' Total so far: 1 ehhh sometimes iguess [ ] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home [ ] Have a name for your car [ ] Know what celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week [ ] Refuse to go out in public without makeup [ ] Prefer to be called "princess" Total so far: 6 Do you love: [ ] Makeup [ ] Glitter [ ] The color Pink [ ] Jewelry [ ] Mirrors [ ] Chick flicks [ ] Shoes [ ] Rainbows [ ] Unicorns [x] Disney Movies [ ] Flowers [x] Stuffed Animals [ ] Purses Total so far: 3 Do you shop at: [ ] Coach [ ] Forever 21 [ ] Victoria's Secret [ ] Guess [ ] Claire's [ ] Express [ ] Delia's [ ] Hollister [ ] American Eagle [ ] Abercrombie Fitch Total so far: 3 no im cheap and refuse to dress like that i am a man after all Do you say: [ ] Whatever [ ] Oh my gosh [ ] Hun [ ] Fugly [ ] That's hot [ ] Dunzo [ ] Darling [ ] Bff [ ] Cutie [ ] Hottie [ ] Skank [ ] Totally [ ] For Sure [ ] Fabulous Total so far: 3 Do you read: [ ] Cosmopolitan [ ] Glamour [ ] Marie Claire [ ] Elle Girl [ ] Teen Vogue [ ] People [ ] Us Weekly [ ] Star [ ] Self [ ] PerezHilton.com [ ] Dlisted.com [ ] Seventeen [ ] people.com [ ] usmagazine.com [ ] popsugar.com [ ] Pink Is The New Blog.com Total so far: 3 Do you love these: [ ] Legally Blonde [ ] Elizabethtown <--- I have to say I love this or my husband will kill me X3 [ ] Mean Girls [ ] Now & Then [ ] The Notebook [ ] A Walk to Remember [ ] Sweet Home Alabama [ ] Where the Heart is [ ] Just my luck [ ] John Tucker Must Die [ ] Center stage [ ] Bring it On [ ] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days [ ] Mona Lisa Smile [ ] My Girl [ ] Wedding Date [ ] 10 Things I Hate About You Total so far: 3 I have never seen any of those movies Do you really enjoy: [ ] America's Next Top Model [ ] Project Runway [ ] Desperate Housewives <--- NEVER MISSED A SINGLE ONE OMG [ ] The Simple Life [ ] 8th & Ocean [ ] Grey's Anatomy [ ] The O.C. [ ] The City [ ] Nip/Tuck [ ] Gilmore Girls [ ] Degrassi Total: 3 what the fuck are half of these things Now multiply it by two: 24 x 2 = 48 Post as "I am ___% girly"

How Old Were You When You...

Lost your Virginity? Never Lost someone close to you? Ehhh young? Like 5-ish? Consumed Alcohol? 19 Received a kiss? 16 Went to the hospital? Very young. Months old. I was premature. Has a broken heart? Ehhh idk Lost a pet? 7 Went to a concert? 13? Met someone famous? 13/14 Got in a car wreck? Young, idk how old Dyed your hair? Never have, never will Flew on an airplane? 17? Went to another state? Super young, under 2 years old probably Got a tattoo? Never Had a piercing? Like 4 Smoked pot? Never Smoked cigarette? Never Went to Disney land or world? 6? 7? Broke a bone? Never Had a long term relationship? 16-Current Passed out from drinking? Never Were dumped? 16?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

what the fuck is with everything being white when I post it I mean wtf really

Oh god another one.


1: Do you have a crush at the moment?
Ehhhh, I guess? Along with being in a long term relationship, I also have some more-than-friends feelings for some people, but they're not really "crushes". It's more like "I want to be super close to you and be able to be super weird and lovey and shit without freaking you out" kind of thing. Like. Best friends leveled up. Or something. I've wanted to tell them but at the same time, I don't want to make things awkward, weird, etc. or have them take it the wrong way. Mike understands though and he's completely okay with it which is great.
2: Have you ever been deeply in love?
Yeah, twice. The first time was with my ex -- I believed I was really in love and I suppose I was. I did love him with all of my heart. When he left me (even though he had been "trailing off" in the relationship for a few months, to where I was almost "over it" by the time it happened) a little piece of me died. A bit later I got together with my current boyfriend and it's like he gave a little piece back to fit where the other went missing. I feel like every love you have takes a bit away, and each one gives a little bit as well. You're always with one another even if you're no longer together, in a sense.
3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?
My current one. It will be four years in June, 2014.
4: Have you ever changed for someone?
I am working on changing. I have a very, very bad anger issue along with severe depression, severe anxiety, and paranoia (amongst other issues). My anger and jealousy is what I'm working on -- I tend to snap over small things and though it's usually in response to what he does, it doesn't make it okay and it doesn't make anything better. He freaks out when he thinks I'm angry at him so he gets defensive. We're both working on things. We want to be together for the long run so it's necessary we do this.
5: How is your relationship with your ex?
Eh, decent? I haven't talked to him for a few months
6: Have you ever been cheated on?
Ehhhhh, yeah. Twice. And that is why I no longer have contact with those people. Neither were serious relationships, but I did have some form of lovey feelings for them. I'm not assuming that they didn't return those feelings, but they certainly did things that I will never forgive them for. My first "boyfriend" and my first "girlfriend" both cheated.
7: Have you ever cheated?
No.
8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?
No. Why put myself in a position that I know will only bring hurt?
9: What's the most important part of a relationship?
Trust and communication. If you can't communicate with one another you may as well break up because things will most definitely get bad as soon as you start to have issues with one another in any way, shape, or form. Trust you need because there will be times when you aren't together. You cannot (feasibly) be together 24/7 (I mean I suppose you could but holy fuck) so...yeah. If you're going to think that your spouse/SO is cheating on you every time they leave your sight, why are you even bothering staying with them? You're only hurting you both, especially if you accuse them.
10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
Serious. 
11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?
Ehhh...breaking up for a short period of time? In all honesty, no. I don't believe in doing it. I would personally never go on a "break", because to me it feels like they're testing the waters with someone else to see how it'll go before completely breaking up with me -- therefore keeping me on the line. Now, taking time apart to be alone a bit, but still being in a relationship? Hell yeah. I know that as much as I love Mike I don't want to be around him literally all of the time. I need me time, too.
12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
I've never hooked up lmao
13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
Not telling him I loved him more often. Not telling him how much he means to me. How much he still means to me and how much I still love him (albeit no longer in a romantic way). I wish we could be closer again because he's wonderful, but I would completely understand his reasons for not wanting to (if there are any).
14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
My honest opinion? When you're a legal adult. 18. I haven't even had sex yet and I'm a few years older than that. Maybe it's because I'm apathetically asexual, or just old-timey, but...yeh. Most legal adults don't even understand the risks and implications of sex. Throwing some teenage horomones into the mix isn't making anything any better. But hey, if you want to do it, you can, but just be sure to keep yourself SAFE, use a condom, birth control pill, etc etc. Don't rely on the pull-out method or think "I don't need to be careful, it won't happen to me". You're an idiot if you think it won't happen to you. Also, get tested for STDs/have your partner get tested if you've had multiple partners and think something is wrong. Basically, fucking educate yourself before doing anything. And last of all -- make sure you actually want to do it. Don't do it because they want you to. Don't do it because you're afraid they'll leave you if you don't. That isn't okay and you're better off without them if that's how it's going to be.
15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?
Eh. Yes and no. Typically relationships with huge age gaps don't work because there is a very very steep maturity difference and to be honest I kind of question it whenever I see a 25 year old dating, say, a 16 year old. I can't think of many things that they could have in common because they are in totally different stages of their lives. To those who have had that work out for them, though: good for you. I just know I wouldn't date someone more than a few years my senior or junior.
16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?
No -- I mean -- you can love how someone acts and looks by watching them but that doesn't mean you know the true person behind that face. In order to really love someone, you need to get to know them.
17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?
Oh, definitely. I met both my ex and my current boyfriend online. Both were/are wonderful relationships. I'm still with my current boyfriend (obviously lmao) and we moved in together in the summer of 2013. We're in our own apartment and things are going rather well.
18: What do you consider a deal breaker?
Homophobia, transphobia, bible-thumper, racism, being an asshole, being allergic to dogs and/or cats (I have to have animals -- they're a security thing for my anxiety and I'm just an animal lover), hatred of any group of people in general
19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
Whenever you don't have feelings or don't think your declining amount of feelings can be saved. Don't drag something on if you don't want to put work into fixing it or don't think it can be fixed. Also, if you're screaming at and hitting one another every damn day (or hitting ever, really, unless you're into that, but that's different) it's either time for a breakup or some professional help.
20: Are you currently in a relationship?
Dammit I've only mentioned that several fucking times. Yes.
21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
Definitely! My ex and I are still friends, though we don't talk too often anymore.
22: Do you think people should date their friends?
Hahah I'd be a fucking hypocrite if I said no. All of my exes have been my friends at some point in time. Some just worked out better than others.
23: How many relationships have you had?
Eh, well. It's kind of hard to judge. I consider myself to have had two "real" relationships, one "serious" relationship, and two short-term relationships that were there just to...be there? I guess? To test the waters. I was pretty young whenever those happened so I can't say they were super-serious but they did help me figure out who I was and what I wanted in a relationship.
24: Do you think love can last forever?
Oh, yeah. There's more than just romantic love. There's the love of a pet, or of a family member, or a friend. Love can most certainly last forever in any form. It just takes work.
25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
In a sense...yeah? But physically, no. Does that make sense?
26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?
Nah fuck that. I don't live with either of them and they don't have a say of what goes on in my personal life. As long as I'm being treated well and I'm happy, then I'll be with who I want to be with. That's not to say that they can't voice their opinions - they can - but it won't really sway my thoughts or feelings on my SO.
27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
Stop chasing her. You'll find a couple of good guys. She's not worth it.
28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?
Yes. Mike and I were in a long distance relationship for three years before moving in together this past summer. We only saw one another during summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes spring break, but it all varied. Some times I wouldn't see him for several months, while other times I'd see him a few times in a few months.
29: What do you notice first about another person?
Physically, their height/weight, their smile, their eyes, their face in general. Then once I start to see them interact, their personality and humor.
30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
It's complicated, hah. I'm panromantic, "apathetically" asexual, andddd a transman. Though I haven't done anything to actually transition at this point in time. I will, however, be binding myself and all that shit. As far as I'm concerned, I am a man. And that's okay.
31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
Honestly, that really depends. I have depression, anxiety, paranoia, anger issues, OCD, and I may develop schizophrenia in the future. It wouldn't really bother me unless it became a huge strain on the relationship that they were unwilling to try and aid.
32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
Yes.
33: Do you want to get married one day?
I'm not opposed to the thought.
34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?
I think it's really fucking stupid.
35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?
I have been for three and a half years
36: Are you still a virgin?
Yes
37: What's more important: Looks or personality?
Neither outweighs the other, but you have to be attractive to me. That's all that matters if you want to be with me.
38: Do you enjoy love films?
Not particularly
39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
I would anonymously send my best friend(s) (this happened in different schools in different states) a rose/a card each Valentine's Day through the school with a letter saying what I loved about them. I have never gotten roses or letters, however, except for like one time in elementary school whenever someone wrote down that they loved me. Ah, young love. Never found out who that was lmao
40: Have you ever had a valentine?
Mike's birthday is Valentine's Day he's literally my Valentine
41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?
Let's fucking play Borderlands or something and eat chicken and fries and maybe some pizza and scream and yell and swear like pirates and maybe afterwards we can lay together on the couch and watch Mythbusters
42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?
I was required to in high school
43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?
They're both important to me for different reasons. There are things I would do for my partner that I wouldn't do for a friend, but there are also things I would do for a friend that I wouldn't necessarily do for a partner. There are very few things, though. I feel like putting either on a level above the other is just kind of gross and in a sense, wrong. Like. Yeah. I would be crushed if Mike and I split up but I'd also be crushed if a friend and I were no longer friends. It's really difficult to explain.
44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?
I fuckin' can be but I'm usually not
45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
Sure, why the hell not. There are actually two that I could see myself being with even if for only a short period of time. Doesn't mean I'm going to run away from Mike and scoop them up into my arms though
46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?
I fucking hate that term and anyone who uses it seriously. You are not being "friendzoned". If someone does not like you in that way, it is not because you are friends with them. It is because they do not like you in that way.
47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?
I don't even know who's dating who's famous what
48: What's your favorite love song?
idk if you'd classify it as a love song but I love "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie and the Blowfish
49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Probably.
50: If you're single, why do you think you are?
Not single. If I was it would be because either I couldn't find someone or I just wanted to be single. It could also be because I'm a pre-op, pre-full-transition transman and...not many people want to date someone like me. Or would even think about being with someone like me. Especially because of mental issues on my end. There could be many reasons that I'm not going to get into.
51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?
"Nice guy" or actual nice guy b/c that wording is overused by people who also believe in "friendzoning". I'd rather be happy in a relationship but the second time around if nothing works out I'm marrying for money /s
52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?
I would consider me to be good at it, yes.
53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?
No.
54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
I think it's kind of nice to be able to tell the world THIS PERSON IS MINE AND I LOVE THEM YEAH and just show you and them are no longer available and that you're now a thing. Idk. It's not really super important but it's nice to have it out there.
55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?
I am clingy and jealous, yes. I try not to be though.
56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?
I did try to get someone to leave their relationship because they were being abused and manipulated. However, she went back to her because she "loved her" even though the girlfriend would say she'd kill herself if she (girl I tried to get away from her) would ever talk to anyone else. Ever. But I found out that they were both really fucking shitty people at the time. So...yeah. :u
57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
If you're already damaged then a broken heart isn't going to help it. If you want to kill yourself over a breakup then it's likely that you wanted to kill yourself beforehand and that it was just the tipping point. However, someone with no prior mental illness who dates someone for a month and then is dumped going off and stating they're going to kill themselves? Yeah, you're gross, stop.
58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?
Dominant. Very, very dominant.
59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?
His birthday is fucking Valentine's Day how could I forget that. Also our anniversary is June 22nd. And I like the number 22. And it's in the middle of the year. It's easy. Gosh.
60: What's your opinion on open relationships?
I would not get into one with my current relationship...or...with any dude? But I feel like I could be in an open relationship with a female. I dunno. I'm fucking weird, I guess.
61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?
Once I'm married my partner will be my family. I will have created my own family. But in general, it really depends. I don't have a great relationship with much of my family but if my mom needed me to move back in with her to help her for however long, I would do it as long as I could find a job there (or if she was willing to support me, but depending on the situation that may not be possible). I would likely drag my SO along with me to help, though, if at all possible.
62: How do you define "cheating"?
Well, see, that's kind of hard. Obviously having any sort of sexual relationship with anyone other than your SO (unless it's an open relationship and you're following that relationship's rules) is a big one. Other things include like...flirting with someone, even. Sending undertones. Having that emotional bond with someone other than your spouse. Yeah, you can have strong emotional bonds with friends, and you can flirt with friends (god knows I do that all of the time), but there is a difference between being playful with someone you've known for a long time and not being serious, and hitting on someone. Mike is 100% okay with my flirting though. He'll even tell me what to say sometimes.
63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
Iffff you're in a relationship with me I will expect you to not watch porn unless we decide on something together. To me it's a form of cheating. If you don't like that, then don't date me. But if you're not dating me then you have no say in the matter. \o/ 
I also think porn is disgusting. Drawn porn doesn't bother me for some reason but videos and pictures of people do. Maybe because drawn porn is fantasy while pictures and videos aren't? But I still don't want you looking at any of them in a sexual manner.
64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?
I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day in the first place. It's also Mike's birthday. And I also don't need a special day to show him that he's special to me, because I can do that any fuckin' time I want.
65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?
Eh, sometimes. I am the big spoon. Big spoooon.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Fucking quizzes

- Name: Eskil
- Single or Taken: Taken
- Sex: Ehhhh. Gender is male.
- Birthday: January 5th
- Sign: Capricorn
- Hair Color: Dark brown
- Eye Color: Heterochromia. One eye's silver/green/blueish while the other is green/brownish.
- Height: About 6'
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Pan, asexual

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• × • S P E C I F I C S • × •
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- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Mane and Tail, Old Spice, some conditioner that I can't remember the name of for some reason but it's the only thing that works
- Who is the last person that called you?: Mike but I didn't pick up the phone lmao. Before that it was my grandmother

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• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •
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- Animal/s: Cats, dogs, foxes
- Color: Blues, purples, greens and oranges
- Drink: Sprite
- Element: Weh
- Food: Burgers, chicken, french fries
- Game: Skyrim, Borderlands, Pokemon, Minecraft, Mass Effect
- Movie: Ehh I don't really watch movies but I'll watch anything with Matt Smith in it
- Song: Weh idk
- Subject/s In School: Science, History, Art
- T.V. Series: Doctor Who
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• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •
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- Given Anyone A Bath?: My youngest brother and my dog.
- Smoked?: Only second-hand (THANKS)
- Bungee Jumped?: Oh fuck no
- Made Yourself Throw Up?: Yeah, I had an eating disorder for a while.
- Skinny Dipped?: No
- Ever Been In Love?: I think I am. Or used to be.
- Made Yourself Cry To Get Out Of Trouble?: Maybe when I was little
- Pictured Your Crush Naked?: I don't have to HA
- Actually Seen Your Crush Naked?: I have seen both Mike and Matt Smith naked. That is all I need
- Cried When Someone Died?: No
- Lied: Yes
- Fallen For Your Best Friend?: I can't say anything to this.
- Used Someone?: No
- Done Something You Regret?: Doesn't everyone?

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• × • C U R R E N T • × •
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- Clothes: ...boxers.
- Desktop Picture: A KITTEN
- CD In Player: laughs b/c I don't have a CD player
- DVD In Player: LAUGHS I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE EITHER

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• × • F I R S T | P E R S O N • × •
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- You Kissed: Mike
- You Crushed On: Dom, my ex
- You Saw Today: Mike
- To Be Your Best Friend: Parker. We were really close for several years until I had to move five hours away. After that, he never tried to talk to me much and any present attempts have been met with failure. He's also on a mission to South America right now so he isn't able to be on Skype or anything often at all.

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• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
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- You Touched: Mike :I
- Hugged: Mike
- You Kissed: Mike
- You IMed: SEBBYKINS
- Talk To Online: SURBERKERNS <3
- You Sexed It Up With: I have never had sex

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• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
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- Understanding?: Yeeep
- Open-minded?: Yes
- Arrogant?: God I hope not
- Insecure?: :I Why should you even need an answer. Yes.
- Random?: Why the fuck do you little fuckers always put this in a quiz. All it does is open up doors for idiot kids to be like LOL!!! PENGUIN WAFFLES!!!!! DOOOOOM!!!! and god I don't need that 
- Hungry?: Yes
- Smart?: Yeah
- Moody?: Oh god
- Organized?: In my own special way
- Shy?: Ehhhhhh. Not so much shy as "I'm judging whether I should talk to you or not" quiet.
- Difficult?: If I'm pissed off
- Bored Easily?: Depends on my mood
- Entertained Easily?: Depends on my mood
- Obsessed?: Only sometimes
- Lazy?: Oh god yes
- Angry?: I have an anger disorder so about half the time I'm angry
- Happy?: No
- Hyper?: Are you hosting me a party? Is Matt Smith going to be there (preferably naked)? Will there be pizza? Other free food? Then yes. Otherwise no.
- Trusting?: Once someone earns it.

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• × • R A N D O M • × •
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- In The Morning I : want to kill myself b/c I hate going to work
- Love Is: Something I don't quite understand and something no one really quite understands
- I Dream About: you don't get to know lmao. But mostly night terrors
- What Do You Notice First In The Sex You're Into: Eyes. Face in general. Build. Their smile. What their humor is like.

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• × • W H O • × •
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- Makes You Laugh The Most: I haven't laughed in quite a while.
- Makes You Smile: Dumb shit
- Frustrates You: hahahaha yeah like I'm going to give out the name. it should be fucking obvious.
- You Can't Go A Day Without Hearing From: SEBBYKINS, BISSYBOO, SHAEBUTT
- You Miss: :I
- Did You Last Drive With: Mike or my mom. Can't remember
- Do You Really Want To Hear From: The people who owe me a fucking apology before I'm going to try and speak with them again.
- Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Him/Her: Mike? I guess? It's mostly just a "hey you're here, we live together" thing now. We've been together three and a half years. The honeymoon phase is long over.
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• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
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- Sit On The Internet All Night Waiting For That Someone Special To IM You?: Ugh. Yeah.
- Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex?: As far as I'm concerned, I am a male.
- Wish You Were Younger?: If I could be like ten again or s/t I would have so much fun. But at the same time I enjoy being of age because I can have fun other ways that I wouldn't be able to as a child
- Cry Because Someone Said Something To You?: Eh, very very rarely
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• × • N U M B E R • × •
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- Of Times I Have Had My Heart Broken?: ...ugh.
- Of Facebook Friends: 68
- Of People You Watch: I don't fucking know
- Of Cd's I Own: A ton I grew up in the 90s/2000s
- Of Scars On My Body: Please don't go there.